Page 84 of Never To Suffer

His lip trembles again as he fights a pout, but manages to croak out, “Skylar’s bass guitar. Dani’s records. Dani’s pink bunny slippers. The stupid stuffed monkey. Your watch.”

He insists he doesn’t need to go through the rest, but Theo makes him anyhow, telling him it’s best if he breaks out of the cycle completely instead of shortcuts. He squeezes my hand to let me know he’s okay when they’re done, and I brace myself for the tears. Breakups never get easier, and Xander has a bad case of falling for people harder than he cares to admit. I wish I could give him everything he needs, and I hope that maybe with Skylar it will be a step easier to heal. The problem is, I suspect Theo plays a part in Xander’s healing, too.

“Okay,” I break through the brief silence. “So, like, why can’t you and Xander stay together?”

“Dani, that’s… you know that won’t work. We’re a package deal. We always have been.”

“Yeah, and he likes me, too. Like, seriously, he wanted to bend me over a bathroom sink and have a?—”

“Hey! Come on. Can we not?” Theo holds his arms out, but Xander and I stare at him. “Wait, this is…normal?”

“Duh. We tell each other pretty much everything. Hell, he’s got videos and picture of Sky and I together.”

“Well,” Xander flinches. “Sort of. I’ve, uhm, I’ve not been totally honest with either of you about…something. I’ve, uhm, I’m a… I kind of…shit,” he groans, putting his head in his hands and mumbling. “I’m basically a sex worker. No, I AM a sex worker. At first, I only did on that one subscription website, and a guy offered me extra for a meetup. I’m not meeting dates through work or clubs, Dani. They’re… I’m… I sell my body.”

I raise an eyebrow and give him an incredulous smirk. I expect the same from Theo, but when I find the glint of tears as his lips fall open. His eyes drop to the floor, and he shakes his head. Because today, we’re all learning things we might not want to know about. So much for waking up to amazing sex, but this isn’t as bad as Xander’s continuous, fitful nightmares.

“Xander, are they the men who hurt you?” Theo asks.

Xander nods, and Theo responds by reaching out and pulling him into a hug.

“I did it for a while before I met Dani. A few guys I knew. I got on a website, no meeting. We needed money to fix Dani’s car, and I convinced myself it would only happen once. We’d meet up, have sex, and nothing else. He offered me five hundred dollars. But I didn’t stop there. The money came too easy, and we had bills to pay. I stopped in Tokyo. I stopped seeing them for you, Theo. I thought I could do this,” Xander cries into his shoulder while I wrap around them both. “You said you’d be there for me. You said no one would hurt me again. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Theo.”

“And I will, Baby. I promise I will. You’re okay.”

“No, I’m not! Normal people don’t do this!” Xander yells, but when he tries to pull away, Theo holds him tighter.

“Xander, that’s not true,” Theo presses his lips against Xander’s head, and my heart breaks and melts at once while they rock together. “You’re not the problem. Society is. I’m so sorry the world did this to you. I’m the one who’s sorry, baby.”

“So,” I cut into their moment because I can’t hold back. “That means you’re going to give this a shot, right? See if we can all hack it together?”

They both look up and stare at each other, but eventually, Theo nods, and I kiss each one of them on the cheek.

“Good, cause you two are cute as hell together. I don’t know if I want to throw up or let my heart explode over all this mushy shit.”

CHAPTER 35

HOT STUFF

BLUE OCTOBER

Xander’s beenunder my kitchen sink for the better part of an hour now, swearing and banging on things. He promised he’d done this before, so I’m staying out of the way and working on some client files in the living room while Baggy goes between the two of us, begging for food. The plan we made involved a lazy Sunday morning and not much getting out of bed, but when the sink broke again as Xander tried to make coffee, he made it his mission to get it fixed.

The kid can’t function without his coffee.

“Be right back,” he calls out as he speeds through the room and out the front door. In some places, the adjustment happened in smooth, graceful steps as if we’d always been a cohesive unit. In others, bumpy might undersell the issues. Through all of it, though, everyone agrees Xander has never been happier or tried harder than he has over the last month.

I’ve changed in many of the same ways, too.

The front door opens, and he runs back in with something in his hand and goes back to work. He’s so focused, he doesn’t notice he’s left the door wide open. I’m wondering how long this will go on before we knock down part of the wall and join our places. I wouldn’t be against it, given the number of times I’vehad to remind him that he should put pants on before going into the hall.

I hit send on the last form I care to fill out this morning and shut the front door before Baguette gets any wild ideas about the glorious outside world full of new smells and possible food sources. When I get to the kitchen, Xander’s standing at the sink and looking down the drain. His damp hair sticks out of his backwards baseball cap. He decided to let it grow, even if it drives him nuts—hence, the baseball caps. He calls it his first true act of full-blown rebellion against his parents in years. Face tattoos he jumps at, but missing a haircut? He’s got an interesting rebellious streak, to say the least.

He’s also put some of his weight back on since the post-Tokyo depression era. Although it’s more muscle than before since he goes to the gym with Skylar and Chase a few times a week. I’m sure as hell not complaining about it, but I am wondering if I should join them, or maybe their friend’s gym, so I don’t spend the entire time ogling Xander.

Or Skylar.

Xander drops to his knees, climbing halfway under my sink. His hips move to the music, and so do the muscles in his back, making the ink along his ribcage do their own little dance. His shoulders flex and he swears loud enough for me to hear it. When he pops out of the cabinet and stands over the sink again, I can’t take my eyes off him. He hasn’t noticed I’m standing there as he sings along to the music. I don’t even care that he’s off key because I’m too busy staring at his shoulders and how defined they are now.

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