Page 88 of Never To Suffer

“Your face has always been messed up! And I’m married, but I can still look! Besides, I’ll tell Sweets about it, and he’ll teach me a lesson that involves me in his jersey and a belt—” There’s another page for Steve, this time louder to ensure he hears it. They probably think he’s in his office with Ethan doing the dirty. “Shit, I gotta go. Say hey to Sky for me, oh, and sayhelloto Xander, too.”

“I thought you were over your playboy ways?!”

“Tigers and stripes, baby. Go take care of Skylar and the boys. I’ll take care of your money issues.”

“Woooow!” I spin around in the hotel lobby. It’s not the Ritz, but it’s better than anything we’ve had in months. “Uhm, can we afford this shit?”

“We can, but not at every stop,” Connor explains. “I figured we could use a little pick me after making it to the top fifteen. Oh, and the sponsorship checks are all cleared, which means spending money while we’re here in Boston.”

When Steve offered to sponsor the band, I didn’t realize the gym could crank out that kind of cash. Or that he’d get our friends Coop and Jamie to add to the total. Even Coop’s little brother, Devin, got a collection going in the Pasadena Parrots’ locker room that earned us a few grand, a bunch of merch sales, and a roll of hockey tape that Skylar and Connor fought over.

“We also got a load of cash dropped off at the bar for us the other day. They didn’t leave a name, but bartender Bobby said she was smoking hot.”

“Bobby refers to anything with boobs as smoking hot, Connor.”

“Whatever. BAR!” Connor takes off for the hotel’s lounge.

“He’s going to get us thrown out before I even get you naked and tie you to the bed, isn’t he?” Skylar asks, their hand holding mine.

“Duh,” Noah replies as she pulls her suitcase behind her. “But it’s cool. There’s a motel down the street that’s probably more used to the noise complaints the two of you cause.”

“Touché?” Skylar replies.

Noah follows after Connor, but Skylar catches my hesitation as I mumble to myself, chewing on my thumbnail. It’s a lot to take in right now, and I don’t only mean the nicer hotel. As ready for all this as I thought I was, I’m questioning everything that’s happened in the last few months. Questioning if I’m the one who isn’t ready to take this big step. What if I’m the one who’s been holding us back because of my own pride? I could have asked theguys for money a month ago, before any of this shit happened. I could have let Xander get help from his parents instead of living in a shitty apartment. I could have been less of a stuck-up bitch about things that never mattered. I should have admitted I’m scared, and yet, I still haven’t.

“Hey,” Skylar’s deep, gravelly voice does two things for me at that moment—pulls me out of my own head and makes my knees weak. They tap the side of my head. “What’s going on up there, Beetle?”

“I dunno, worried about Xander, I guess. My sister, too.”

“Mmm,” they squeeze my hand, and I turn to face them, running my fingers through the stubble they didn’t shave off this morning. “Your sister has Chase. Xander has Theo. I have you. At home, we all have each other. Well, without your sister and Chase. That’s why this will work, Dani. It’s what you said you couldn’t find. You didn’t expect it to come in two different packages.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“What’s really bothering you?”

“I don’t know.”

“You remember that conversation we had in the first hotel room we shared? The night the world finally made sense to me again? You said we shouldn’t keep secrets if we want this to work.”

I close my eyes, pressing my forehead into their chest and fighting back tears when their arms fold over me. My protector, my shield, my shadowy moth, hiding me from my demons and drawing their attention away with flashy wings. I should have seen it in them years ago. Like Xander became my fighter, my guardian, my honeybee. I wonder what Theo will be if he accepts his new place in our lives. Would he act like an ant? Strong and determined? Or the mantis, patient and mindful?

“I’m scared. I’m not ready for this.”

“For the show?”

I shake my head and glance over my shoulder to the bar where Noah joins Connor, who’s already got three people lured in by his stories and vivacious energy. We’ve grown closer during this competition—we’ve had to. At least three bands have dropped out over the last few weeks, and that’s when the true nature of this contest finally stepped into the light. It’s not only about the music and being able to play for the crowd, but also about making it through the rough patches without losing the glue holding each band together. Changed dates, canceled venues, flat tires, blown amps, and everything else that’s happened during this tour can chip away at a band if they’re not strong enough.

“Skylar, if we don’t win, what happens to us? If I miss a lyric or mess up a note, I could ruin all of this. What if I say the wrong thing in the post interview or we can’t get the tire changed so we’re stuck on the side of the road and the hoard of zombies overwhelms us while we’re trapped there, and I never get back to see?—”

“Woah, woah,” they cut me off and crouch down to look me in the eye. Their hands cool my face as they hold on and wait for me to focus on them. “Daniella Silva, you are my black winged angel, my siren on the jagged rocks, my scarab beetle meant to guide me through this journey and onto the next. This tour could end for us tomorrow, but it isn’t the end of us. You’re too focused on this one path while ignoring the thousands of other options. Kick down the doors that stand in your way until you find the one that leads us where you want to go.”

“Why do you always sound like a fortune cookie?”

“Too many self-help books that didn’t help.” They kiss my forehead, holding their lips there until my hands wrap around their wrists. “Are we good, Beetle?” he asks into my hair.

“Yeah,” I breathe out with a nod. “Yeah, we’re good. Come on, I need a drink before we call and check in back home.”

“When you get back, it might be time to talk to Theo. We’ve both seen the way he calms Xander, even on his worst days. I’m not saying he’d be your therapist, but a wise ear for you to whisper whatever’s eating you up inside?”

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