I take a bite of my burrito just as a hard shove to my shoulders from behind startles me.

“Stay away from my boyfriend!”

Rolling my eyes, I turn to face whatever ignorant cheerleader believes I have a crush on her loser footballer boyfriend. “Look, sweetheart. I don’t fucking want your?—”

Lyndsey stands before me with a pissed off expression and crossed arms. I swallow my words, not finishing the sentence, and set my food down. My heart is beating erratically in my chest, fear claws at my throat. My best friend’s girlfriend doesn’t like me on a good day, now she’s screaming this.

“Lyndsey? What’s going on? Is Ethan okay?” I ask, wiping at the corner of my mouth for any leftover sauce and to keep my shaking hands occupied.

She scoffs and comes closer, pointing a nail at my chest. “Shane told me what happened. That you moaned Ethan’s name while you guys were hooking up. I knew it! I fucking knew it and you guys made me feel crazy!”

I shake my head, grabbing her wrist when she tries to walk away. “Whatever Shane told you. It’s a lie.”

Her eyebrow raises. “Your boyfriend lied about you saying another guy’s name as if that’s not embarrassing on his part?”

“It didn’t happen like that, Lyndsey. I was dreaming. I can’t control?—”

“So you’re dreaming about Ethan?! How is that any better?”

I groan, letting go of her to rub a hand down my face. “You can’t control dreams. You’re telling me you’ve never dreamed of someone you shouldn’t.”

Her cheeks pinken, but she narrows her eyes. “It’s different because I know you have a crush on him.”

“Ok, and? A crush is a crush. He doesn’t want me, and I’d never pursue him like that.”

Lyndsey shakes her head, biting down on her lip as she glances across the yard. “You don’t get it.”

I wave my hands, annoyed with her accusations. “What don’t I get?”

“He’d choose you. If he had to pick between me or you, he’d choose you.”

A dangerous hope blooms in my chest, but I grind down on my teeth to stare at her blankly. “He loves you, Lynds.”

She gives me a bitter smile. “Not as much as you, even if it’s only as friends.”

“Then don’t make him choose. I’m not, so it’s not a big deal.”

“But you are,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You are because you’ve filled his head with these crazy ideas about traveling the world. You live off your grandmother’s trust, Trent. Your world is not his world.”

Confusion has my eyebrows knitting together. “It’s just for the summer. A few months of us traveling and?—”

“My daddy has him set up for an internship at his company that could change his life, and he’s thinking of turning it down… for you. And you’re too selfish and in love to let him go. You’re ruining his life!”

A rock burrows in my stomach, dread spiraling in my lungs as I stare at her. Am I ruining his life? I thought he wanted to travel with me as much as I wanted to travel with him. The plan has always been for him to come back after a leap year and start college.

Lyndsey’s lips twist into a satisfied smirk. “You know I’m right, don’t you?”

I swallow down the emotion. “Have you asked Ethan if that’s what he wants?”

She rolls her eyes. “If I did, we both know what he’d choose. Who wants to start a job right out of school? But we’re not kids anymore. We have to think about our future.I think… I’m pregnant.”

My mouth drops open. “Does Ethan know?”

Lyndsey shakes her head, touching her stomach lightly. “It’s too early to know for sure, but you can see what I mean now, right?”

Blinking awake, I roll onto my side and rub the center of my chest, trying to dispel the feelings of that old memory. I revisit it a lot, wondering what would have happened if I had stood up to Lyndsey. Months after graduation, I looked for pregnancy announcements from either of them. I didn’t like to think Lyndsey lied about such a thing, and perhaps she really thought she was when she confronted me, but we’ll never know.

But I know the day Ethan confessed his uncertainty about starting the job, I had convinced him to take it. I convinced him that opportunities like that don’t come up often, and we could travel whenever we want. I never thought a decade later we’d have never taken that trip, and that we’d grow more distant with each passing year. Instead I sometimes met up with him and Lynds. Then I spent the time remembering why I avoided that dreadful woman all together.