Page 10 of My Office Rival

I tried to refocus on my deal and stop worrying about my empty life. The document in front of me was covered in red writing, after I’d torn into the draft from opposing counsel.

The markup stared at me. I was tired from getting home late last night, sore between my legs, and angry that the ache constantly reminded me how I’d fallen for the Closer’s good looks. I gulped my coffee for fortitude. I needed to finish this document, and then I’d drop it off with the junior later to turn my comments. But I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the pen again.

Normally I worked like a woman possessed, but today, I’d taken one too many punches. I couldn’t believe I was still here. Months, years, after I’d said I’d be out the door and following my dreams. Typical. Just like every other senior associate I had talked to over the years, people who had been young and full of hope once. Who had said, “I’ll save up and then I’ll be out the door.” Just like I had. And I was still here in this tiny office, taking shit from Gerald and ignoring Ann.Just like every other sucker to walk through these doors.

Even if the firm was soul-sucking, I loved being a lawyer. There was no better rush than winning a deal for my clients. Every closing made me feel like I had accomplished something. I was a problem-solver, a winner, a protector. I just didn’t want to be a protector of giant corporations anymore.

An email popped up with five scary words:

To: Kade, Cynthia

From: Reed, Gerald

Subject: Please come to my office

Gerald and I weren’t on any active matters now that our deal had closed. Either I was getting staffed (bad), or I was getting fired (worse).Not today.I couldn’t do this today.I took deep breaths to quell the anxiety.It could be nothing.I stood, smoothing my hair and straightening my suit jacket, before making my way to Gerald’s office.

He waved me in to the perpetually chaotic space. His desk was covered in papers, but had no computer, which is why he was king of faxing hand-written comments to all of us minions. I sat demurely in the chair facing him, hoping my face didn’t look as red as it felt, hoping he couldn’t see the pounding of my heart under my suit.

“Cynthia, hi. Nice to see you.” He snuffled, his mustache moving with every word. “We need to talk.”

My heart sank. “Sure, what’s up?” I smiled tentatively and tried to project calm.

“As you know, this firm operates on an up or out model. Most counsel either make partner or leave to find something else. It’s not because we don’t value you or your work, but because this allows our associates to continue growing and moving upward without stagnating.”

This was it. This wasthe talk. I had known this day was coming. Every senior associate dreaded this day. Up or out meant I got promoted, or I got let go. It was the law firm way. Gerald spewed platitudes and my stomach turned.Focus. Focus on what he’s saying. Deep breaths.I could potentially salvage this. I just needed to seem competent instead of nervous.

“We appreciate all the work you’ve put in over the years. You’ve been one of our strongest associates, and we think you could make partner one day.” He paused. “That is, if you want to.” He gave me a significant look. “I want you to know that we are strongly considering Brett as well. He has the support of most of the other partners in this group, but I’ve always been a supporter of yours.” I was oddlytouched by that statement. He sipped his coffee and continued, looking me directly in the eye so I knew he meant business. “The Argan deal is back on. I’m staffing you on it and this is your shot. You’re heading to on-site diligence tonight. I’m sorry about the short timing.” He frowned, but he didn’t really look sorry. Due diligence meant dollar signs for him. And lots of work for me.

“We have to win this. Do you understand?”

His words hung in the air. He didn’t need to say that I was fired if we didn’t win this deal. It was implicitly understood. But winning was subjective as hell. I needed to grind opposing counsel under my shoe, crush the other side, come out clearly on top. Especially now that my dream job wasn’t an option.Today is not my day.I swallowed hard and cleared my throat. “Thanks, Gerald. I understand. I appreciate your faith in me. I won’t let you down.” I shook his hand and made small talk for a few minutes before escaping.

Brett was lingering in the hall, and his smug look said he knew the contents of the conversation I’d just had.I’m being paranoid. There’s no way he knows.I eyed him coldly.

“Cynthia,” he said in that awful, nasally voice. “Heard you’re going to be offsite for a while.”

“Yep,” I said tartly. What business was it of his?

“Hopefully, your matters are all here for you when you come back.” His mouth twisted cruelly, and he shouldered past me.

I shook slightly as I pushed open my office door. Brett was out for blood. He clearly wanted my clients, the better to ingratiate himself. Did it even matter at this point? My prime directive was now to crush opposing counsel on the Argan deal.

I closed the blinds on my windows and slumped into my chair.

You knew this day was coming.I’d just hoped it wouldn’t be this soon. The runway for associates who didn’t want to make partner was short, maybe eight years, ten years if you were lucky. And with Brett here, my luck had run out. He was the new golden boy, and they could wait and see if he had what it took to make partner. I was the old horse they were going to take back into the field to shoot. If onlyI’d gotten that immigration job. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried not to cry.

I really needed that drink, but I’d have to settle for chatting in the office before I raced home to pack.

“Today is not your day,”Margo said and sipped her coffee.

“I know,” I muttered and raised my mug. “I wish this were liquor.”

“But seriously? The talk? And the job rejection? In one day? Fuck that.” She shook her head.

“Honestly, if I’d gotten that position, I would have been skipping out the door. This just feels like a one-two punch of awful.” My voice shook.

“Are there other jobs you can apply for? Sorry, I know you probably just want to wallow.”

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