Page 90 of My Office Rival

“Are you going to see him again? For work?”

I heaved a sigh. “We have a final meeting tomorrow to talk about next steps. At that point, I assume the litigation partners will handle any inquiries. That will be the last time I ever talk to him.” A bolt of pain went through me.

“Maybe he’ll have a change of heart.” Margo sounded hopeful, but I shook my head.

“He told me he can’t change. He has too much shit in his past, and he’ll never leave the city. He has so many fears and he won’t even attempt to beat them for me. I’m not enough.” My voice broke on the last word, and Margo tucked her head against my shoulder. “It doesn’t even matter. I have another two weeks at the firm, and I’m going to be looking for apartments in Texas for most of that time. And then another two weeks until I move. I won’t have time to miss him.” The words tasted false on my tongue. I would spend every damn minute missing him and wondering why he wouldn’t choose me over his demons. “Just more proof you can never have it all, I guess.”

Margo sighed. “Yeah, I guess. I just want that for you. And I had a feeling he was special, you know?”

“I hate to admit it, but me too.” I signaled the bartender for another shot.

“Promise me, if he comes to you to apologize, you’ll hear him out.” Margo’s voice was fierce. I looked over at her and her eyes were practically shooting fire.

“Geez, I will.”

“Good, because I almost didn’t make up with Andrew. That would have cost me the best thing in my life.”

“You two are gross,” I said, my voice full of love.

“I know,” she responded and happily slurped her drink. “You love it.”

I did, and I so desperately wanted it for myself. I would never forgive Jason for giving me a taste of love and then ripping it away.

56

JASON

Irattled around the apartment like a ghost, moving from the couch to the kitchen table, to the bed, and then off the bed because it reminded me ofher. It was Saturday night and Miles was harassing me to get a drink with him because he wasbored. Or needed distraction. Or maybe it was all a game to get me out of the house I’d been hiding in for a week.

Miles

You just got back. How can you already want to hole up in that apartment?

Jason

I like my apartment.

I didn’t like it right now. Normally, I loved the drafty townhouse, with its casement windows and its working fireplace, but today it felt empty.

Miles

Just one drink.

Jason

I’veheard that before.

Miles

Too late. In a cab. Get dressed.

And then five minutes later as I was staring at my closet, rubbing my tired face with one hand:

Miles

And not a suit.

Get dressed, be normal, forget about her. I could do this. Ineededto do this. Life might be duller without her in it, but this was my new normal. Had it always been like this? Saturdays spent alone, instead of trying new activities, and dinners for one, instead of watching her close her eyes in pleasure at the first bite of food?Fuck.

---