Page 107 of The Promises We Break

Fuck, I miss her already.

“Is this about getting on the team?” I ask, abruptly.

“I got an offer this morning after you left the stadium. I met with Coach Raymer as well,” he confesses, “but if you tell me not to sign it, I won’t. I mean,” he runs his hands through his hair nervously, “I can’t sign it until after the season is over, but I do want to make a commitment to a team. I only have a few more years left, if that, and I want us to play together. We’d have the same schedule, could visit Mom and Dad. They could easily make it to our games. Sort of like old times.”

I squint, confused. Like I don’t know my own big brother. He’s sentimental and a big teddy bear. But, in reality, I guess I really don’t know him at all. I’ve never tried to really know him.

“Are you going through a midlife crisis, brother?” That earns me a chuckle.

“Maybe…” He pauses. “But it was probably the life altering conversation your wife threw at me when you guys were at Mom and Dad’s.”

Just the mention of my wife perks up my spine.

“She, somehow all at the same time, put the fear of God, the devil, and her own wrath—which is scarier than both of the former, by the way—if I didn’t get my shit together and spend my life earning back your trust. No matter what it took.”

I can’t hold back my smile, envisioning my little red spitting threats at a man, my brother, over a foot taller than she is and three quarters his size. All for me.

It slips instantly as I glance down at the face of my watch. The second hand struggles to move, attempting to move, flickering but staying in place, and I wonder if it’s powered by my heart.

Maybe she’s still packing. Maybe she’s stalling for me to come home. Maybe she’s already gone.

“She’s quite perfect for you.” My brother’s words snap my eyes in his direction.

He’s smiling as he takes a sip of his coffee, but it fades whenhe recognizes the look of despair as I begin to panic, knowing I’ve really lost her.

“What’s going on?” he asks.

Annnnd. The flood gates open.

“She’s gone,” I say, flatly. “She got promoted, and she’s moving to New York. Today.”

“Oh.” His response brings me an unwelcome flashback of when I asked her out on that plane. Shocked, a little embarrassed maybe, that someone would ask her out. I remember the flush in her cheeks and the shy twitch of her full lips. The way she breathed those words as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

Then the following reply,“I can’t.”The same one she fed me today when I begged her to stay.

I suppose it was always meant to be this way, something I continued to fight for too long. Risking my heart for the inevitable outcome. Battling something that was never in my favor to begin with.

“Are you sure that you guys?—”

“Don’t,” I interrupt him because that’s the last thing I need right now. Hope.

I can’t talk about her right now. It hurts too fucking much.

The waitress steps to our table and slides our plates in front of us, giving me the reprieve I need.

“Let’s eat. Then let’s go see Coach Raymer,” I say curtly, as he studies me briefly, then gives me a tight-lipped smile. He’s probably torn between the excitement that we’re on a road to recovery or wondering if I’ll completely flip out at any given moment.

I need to accept that Seattle will be my permanent home for the next five years, and the worst part of that is being haunted by the memory of knowing what it was like with her here. Knowing nothing will fill that void.

I finish my egg white omelet, and Henry inhales hisblueberry pancakes and overly large side of eggs and bacon. He’s always had a huge appetite and faster metabolism than anyone I’ve ever met.

He keeps his end of the bargain and pays the bill before we leave, a good first step in the whole trust department, then we start our walk over to the stadium.

It’s early enough on Sunday morning that the fog still sits low on the horizon, and the somberness that lingers in the air matches my mood.

They say Seattle is one of the most depressing cities in the world due to the lack of sunlight and the adverse effect that has on your mental health. Interesting that since Ember came into my life, in Seattle, I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been, yet this morning, I can completely relate to Seattle statistics.

She brought her own light, combating the Seattle gray. Now, it all feels empty.

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