Page 81 of A Court of Bones & Sorrow

“It’s fine,” I said and scarfed down the rest of the gamey bits while sneaking glances at him, trying to gauge if the memory of that night was haunting him the way it was me.

At least once a month, I still woke up in cold sweats, remembering how terrified I’d been as the wind had howled outside that cave and we’d heard the shrieks of the wraiths as they’d searched the forests for us, not to mention the trauma of seeing my parents cut down before my eyes. As a child, I’d thought they’d been invincible. My mother had been so confidentthat nothing had ever rattled her, and my father had been a skilled fighter from a family of rangers.

The wraiths had gone for them immediately, bypassing other easier prey. I hadn’t understood it then, but I did now. They’d known my parents had been searching for the other half of the soul crown. I wondered if Queen Velika had ordered the attack or if Erendriel had taken the initiative.

Vail and his parents had simply been at the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe he was right to hate me a little. My family was the reason his were dead, and I’d stopped him from trying to save them.

“I was wrong.”

“What?” I blinked and raised my gaze from where I’d been staring blankly at the floor to meet Vail’s solemn expression.

“No one knows you better than me,” he said evenly. “Not Kieran. Not Rynn or Cali. Me.” He laid a hand over his chest. “You were my best friend long before you were any of theirs. I know every single one of your tells, and I know you better than I know myself.”

“That was then. This is now.” I shook my head, not knowing how to deal with this conversation. Being trapped with him in a fucking cave again was too much. Especially while hashing out our old pain. “You don’t know me at all anymore.”

“Oh yeah?” he challenged. “Tell me you’re not thinking about the night our parents died. That you’re not thinking your parents are responsible for roping my parents into protecting them? And that you’re not feeling guilty about stopping me from running out of that cave like a fucking fool.” He pulled his hand away from his chest and waved it in my direction, inviting me to argue as he bit out his next words. “Tell me, Samara. I fucking dare you.”

I held his steely gaze, refusing to look away, but what the fuck could I say to that? He was right. It pissed me off that hewas able to crack open my mind and see all my thoughts so easily.

He let out a humorless laugh. “Exactly.”

“Your parents were only there that night because they were protecting mine,” I said hotly. “And I did take away your choice, Vail. You were my friend, my only fucking friend, and I didn’t want you to die too, but it wasn’t my fucking choice to make, was it?” I choked off the last word before rubbing my face. If I could avoid caves for a while, that would be great. Clearly nothing good came of them.

“I was wrong,” Vail repeated. “If you hadn’t knocked me out and prevented me from running out of that cave, I would have died that night, and you would have too, because we both know you would have followed me out into the night.”

He was right. I would have followed Vail anywhere back then. Fuck, I would follow him anywhere now, despite all the animosity between us. Apparently I was a fool too.

“You don’t get to rewrite history, Samara.” The kindness in his voice finally made me look at him again. It wasn’t just the echoes of grief I saw reflected in his eyes. There was acceptance too. “My parents loved yours. It wasn’t just a case of the Marshals being devoted to the rulers of a House. They were friends, and they died trying to protect each other, and us. The last thing my father told me to do was protect you.”

“The last thing mine told me to do was protect you,” I whispered and then shot him a contrite smile. “Sorry I had to hit you over the head with a rock to do it.”

He shrugged. “Sorry I almost let a kùsu eat you a few weeks ago.”

I laughed sharply. “That was a real asshole move. I’m going to have nightmares for the rest of my life about that overgrown centipede chasing me.”

“I really am sorry.” He winced. “I was just so angry at you. For so fucking long. I let it warp everything about us.”

“Why, Vail?” I searched his face, trying to find the answer I’d been seeking for the last decade. “Why did you hate me so much? We both lost our parents that night, but you turned on me so quickly.” I couldn’t keep the soft desperation out of my voice.

“It’s complicated.” Vail’s mouth hardened into a flat line, and he looked away from me.

Fuck that. He didn’t get to get off this easily.

“You tried to feed me to an overgrown insect.” I narrowed my eyes. “Explain it.”

Vail’s gaze snapped to mine, and I saw a hint of the accusing anger that I was used to in them. “You never mourned them. I was falling apart, and you carried on like nothing had happened.”

“Carmilla told me I had to be strong.” I swallowed, remembering the exact conversation with her and how distraught she’d been. “That I was the Heir of House Harker and that everyone was counting on me. I wasn’t allowed to fall apart.” He frowned like something about that didn’t make sense, but I barreled on. “My entire life ended in one night, Vail, and when I finally snapped and snuck out of my room to find my best friend and tell him I was fucking breaking, he shoved me into the dirt and said he wished I’d died that night too.”

“I’m sorry,” he rasped. “I didn’t know. I thought . . . Fuck, I don’t know what I thought.” Vail’s brows bunched together before he slowly said, “Carmilla said that you got frustrated with her when she grieved about losing her sister around you.”

“What?” I jerked back like I’d been struck. “Carmilla was concerned I was breaking down and that it would harm my future as the Harker Heir. Everything I did was to prove to her—and the House—that I was worthy of my parents’ legacy, but even then, I never said anything cruel about her grieving.”

Vail’s brows bunched together. “It doesn’t make sense,” hemurmured more to himself than to me. “Maybe I’m not remembering it right.”

“Damn fucking right, you’re not,” I said through clenched teeth. There was no way Carmilla would have said such a thing. He must have been so caught up in his hatred that he’d seen or heard something that hadn’t been there.

He shook his head as if clearing his thoughts before those grey eyes focused on me. “All I knew was that I was hurting and you seemed . . . fine.”

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