Page 110 of The Heart of Winter

It was just us and three seats.

A shiver ran through my body, and a wave of black despair crashed down on me, as I sank onto the log.

Staring out at the now-empty horizon, it felt like I was disappearing, like I was letting this creeping, irrational hopelessness swallow me whole. I was becoming invisible, erased from the world.

Me and Sariel… we were going to be forgotten. No one would ever come looking for us.

The plane didn’t go down here. I just knew it, even if I couldn’t logically explain it.

Some part of me, nearly unconscious during the crash, had a vague memory of being pushed by wind or something, fast and for a long time, after the seats tore free.

Totally numb, I sat there for a while.

Then, slowly, my thoughts turned back to Sariel.

He was lying there in the cave with a sprained ankle, dealing with the upcoming heat, with me walking out, not knowing where I stood or what I was going to do. Maybe reject him, deny him my help?

Brutal pragmatism started cutting through the fog in my brain.

No one was coming.

That meant there was zero chance of us ever having a ‘slow-burn romance’, some kind of future together in the city. It was a wasted opportunity. A missed chance. We were gonna die out here, cut off from the rest of the world. None of those little daydreams in my head meant anything now.

So. I might as well help him.

I had to treat it like… just casual sex. Nothing more. Because there would never be anything more.

Just twofucking skeletonsin a goddamn cave!

Lowering my head toward the ground, I let out a deep breath. At least I could’ve experienced heat sex with somebody before this frozen island swallowed us whole. I’d always been curious about what it would be like, just so I could cross it off my list before I died.

I got up, jaw clenched in determination. Staring grimly at my footprints in the sand, I started walking back to the cave, brooding.

There was one more problem that kept nagging at me, something I really should’ve been more concerned about.

During his heat, I’d be trapped in the damn cave, which would reduce even that tiny chance that the drone might notice us. Fuck.

Directly ahead of me, the cave came into view, thin wisps of steam lightly veiling its entrance, and something twisted in my stomach from the stress.

The moment I stepped inside, I sensed it, like Sariel’s energy had filled every corner.

Crushed. Miserable.

Now, I felt like a monster.

He was curled up on his side, cheeks still wet from crying. When I came closer, he didn’t even flinch. His eyes stared blankly past me.

"I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left," I whispered, kneeling next to him, my chest tightening.

I wanted to do something, hug him, explain, anything, but the weight of that passing drone still had me pinned to the ground. This fucking gloominess. So I just crouched beside him and stayed quiet, fighting with my negative thoughts.

"How are you feeling?" I finally asked, meaning "how’s the heat progressing?" but the words didn't come out like that.

Only then did he slowly look at me. His eyes were red, and so heartbreakingly sad.

"If you don’t want to help me, I understand. I’ll push through it. But I need you to know that this… you and me… it’s not sudden or situational. I’ve been thinking about you for months. I want to be with you. In a relationship. But I know you’re… still not there. So I’ll manage."

Man, it was just so wrong on every possible level. I cringed, feeling like the world’s biggest asshole.

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