Page 111 of The Heart of Winter

"I’m not such a bastard that I’d leave you hanging, Sariel."

But he didn’t seem to hear me, like he still thought I was rejecting him. His lips trembled as he said,

"I ruined everything, didn’t I? That beautiful romance I dreamed we could have."

Holy fuck… I let out a sharp breath.

Did he read my mind or what?

"It’s not your fault, Sariel!"

"Yes, it is! I’m a goddamn freak! This is exactly what I warned you about. Sooner or later, my heat becomes a problem for everyone. I becomethe problem!"

Tears streamed down his face.

"That’s why I’m still a virgin! And why I never rushed into sex! You get it now, don’t you? No one wants a mutant. And you don’t want me either!"

I lunged toward him, practically pinning him to the mattress. My hands cupped his head like I was trying to force him to focus. He was trembling, gasping, but he didn’t push me away.

"Shut up. Just shut up," I growled, pressing my forehead to his.

The anger was back: at Sariel, at everything. At the fact that he was so wrong. In any other situation, his sigma nature wouldn’t be a problem. I wanted to give him that, some reassurance. And more.

But this fucking island made it impossible. Leaving aside our missed chance for a slow burn, his heat was still a major inconvenience, something that could lessen our chances for real. And I felt trapped between being a decent man and a desperate castaway.

Silence fell between us as we lay there.

"A damn drone flew by, Sariel! Or a helicopter. Far off. It was over the water, not over the island! Didn’t seem like it saw us, it was heading north."

He was breathing heavily, our breaths mixing. His eyes were wide open, and so… beautiful, crystalline, and vibrant in their color. Seen from such a close distance, his eyelashes seemed unexpectedly lush.

"It’s just the start. They might come back," he whispered.

But I was already neck-deep in my doom-and-gloom pessimism, and his hopeful tone barely registered. My eyes landed on his lips instead, parted, wet, and I was tempted to devour them, bite them.

Pressing his lithe frame down was wildly pleasant, maybe even too wildly. Why did he awaken this uncharacteristic intensity in my usually somewhat muted body?

Forcing myself to calm down, I slowly rolled off of him, flopping onto the mattress beside him, my gaze landing on the dark ceiling. My dick was bothering me a bit, but I willed it down.

"I wouldn't count on it," I muttered, bitterness flooding my tone.

Why was I being such an unpleasant human being? The kid was in a vulnerable position, he didn’t ask for all this, and here I was, taking it out on him, while at the same time fighting the urge to tear his clothes off.

And then I made it worse by blurting out, "I don’t have any condoms. And there aren’t any in that omega’s toiletry bag either. So you’re just gonna have to trust me when I say I’m clean."

Fuck, it came out sounding so technical, like we were negotiating a business contract instead of something intimate. But my mind was strangely stuck on the feeling of his hard body close to mine.

"I trust you. And I’m a virgin, so we’re good."

Right! I almost forgot.

A virgin… in heat.

And me, a sour, cranky beta who felt like crap, dragging him down with me.

That couldn’t keep happening. I had to say something, explain, change the unpleasant mood, fix it somehow, or at least let him understand me a little more.

"I’m sorry, Sariel," I said, sighing. "I know this isn’t anyone’s dream scenario for a first time. And I’m probably not the best person for someone who’s just starting out."

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