Page 141 of The Heart of Winter

From Winter’s expression, I could tell the topic made him uncomfortable.

"You know how it is. Being a beta, I’ve learned to live with the fact that I’ll never have biological children. A lot of betas develop an aversion to kids, to the idea of parenthood."

"Yeah, I heard something about it, back during my college years. Some activists from the Beta Empowerment movement were handing out leaflets to omegas and alphas that were basically discouraging us from having kids."

"Yeah, most of them truly hate kids. Do you know how that works? Psychologically, you tell yourself over and over that kids are awful, that you're not missing out on anything by staying far away from those little monsters. You keep repeating to yourself, ‘It’s great that I’m a beta and won’t have to deal with stinking diapers’, and eventually, you start to believe it." He shrugged.

"So, did you ever have moments when you thought you hated kids?" I asked tentatively.

Winter hesitated, his gaze somewhat vacant.

"In beta culture, that mindset is almost the default. A lot of us start to cultivate that aversion from the moment our subgender is confirmed. Teachers and psychologists reinforce it, too—"

"But there are still plenty of betas who adopt."

"Yeah, usually the ones who didn’t go to college. BE courses are mandatory there. If you even hint that you want kids, the Beta Empowerment activists will come after you, and you’ll have a rough time on campus. But there are also strong individuals with a more nuanced perspective. They just stay quiet."

"It’s that intense? Damn, I had no idea."

Winter was silent, playing with a handful of gravel, letting it trickle through his fingers.

"Winter… do you think that way too? Do you hate kids?" My voice trembled with barely hidden fear. If he hated kids, we had a serious difference between us, because I very much wanted to have them one day.

Winter’s eyes met mine, and there was a strange inquisitiveness in them.

"No, Sariel. I try to see it rationally. Even if I know that hating the idea of parenthood would make it easier to deal with my infertility."

The reality of infertility, the emotions tied to it, and all the defense mechanisms the mind might create in response felt distant and alien to my own experience. It was hard to put myself in Winter’s shoes.

"The truth is, most betas don’t actually hate kids; they only hate the idea that they can’t have them, the ‘no-choice’ paradigm. It’s an inner protest against the popular view that being infertile makes you less of a human."

Sighing, I admitted, "I can imagine there were many factors that led to the rise of Beta Empowerment. Infertility was seen as a malfunction for so many years when humanity was struggling to regrow the population. Betas were told they were not as valuable. Unfortunately, omegas and alphas did push that onto betas a bit."

"Exactly. More than once, during fights with my brothers, I was called a ‘barren half-human’. My infertility was thrown in my face as an insult."

"I’m sorry, that’s awful."

"But both perspectives are way off for me. I don’t see my infertility as something that defines my stance on having kids. And I'm certainly not going to stir up hatred in myself in one aspect—just to make myself feel better in another."

"So you've accepted it? But does that mean you'd be open to adoption?"

Winter gave a small, somewhat sad smile. "Yeah. I think I’d be willing, especially if the child was my partner’s, born through surrogacy."

He hesitated, biting his lip, and my gaze instantly fixated on that spot. But his eyes were focused on the cave entrance, where daylight poured in.

"Sometimes, I let myself think about what it would be like; to raise a little human in my home, to be given their love and to give love in return. That thought isn’t unpleasant to me. Some say children enrich life. It’s an enormous test of character, a second maturation. But every path has its disadvantages. I don’t see one as inherently better than the other anymore. It’s a choice—and it should be an informed one—whether we want to experience one type of life or another. Either way, there’s something fulfilling to be found on both paths."

"I’m glad you think that way. It seems like a rational approach."

"I don’t hold any extreme views. I guess you could say I’ve chosen the middle path, a moderate one."

"They say themiddle pathis the healthiest. People have been saying that since ancient times."

"Well, look at us, getting all philosophical," Winter said with a small smile.

"Well, we have to talk about something while we’re stuck on this island. But maybe this whole discussion is pointless… since we might never get off."

Our eyes met.

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