Page 148 of The Heart of Winter

"Maybe…" I tried to make my voice sound optimistic.

But I didn’t say anything else.

Possibly because I was too hungry.

A deep, growing hunger.

This was our third day surviving on tiny portions of food, and my body was starting to feel the effects. My stomach felt like it had shrunk even more.

Only Sariel’s head on my shoulder was a comforting weight, like an anchor, something I could focus on instead of my craving body.

I ran my fingers through his mint-green hair, then hesitated a bit, but finally turned slightly and kissed his temple. Another small, tender gesture I was learning. He took it like it was something natural, and it was somewhat of a relief. No big deal for him, but it was still a big deal for me.

Neither of us spoke. As if we both understood that talking wouldn’t change anything.

What mattered was saving energy.

Now that his heat had passed, we could finally shift into that mode.

I sat like that for maybe half an hour before I finally pulled away from his arms.

"I need to go back and search."

"Winter, if you find something out there, make yourself a priority. Eat it first. Everything depends on you."

My gaze drifted to the side, avoiding his face. His voice was soft; he was thinking about my needs, clearly.

"We’ll see what I find and how much there is," I said, giving him a reassuring smile as I got dressed.

As I left, he watched me go. And in his eyes, I saw something—pure, fragile hope.

Once again, I found myself back on this goddamn empty beach. I had always loved walking along the shore, watching the sunset, feeling the wind in my hair… blah, blah, blah—but now, as I took in the sight of the sun lowering, all I felt was stress and the gnawing realization that tonight was going to be another hungry one.

So, I got to work, digging through the sand at the mouth of the warm stream where it met the sea.

I was methodical, marking off areas I had already searched and those I still needed to go through. The water was cold. Sure, the warm stream flowed into it, but everything mixed together too quickly, and after a while, I was freezing, my teeth chattering so hard they hurt. I knew I wouldn’t last much longer… night was falling.

The hunger was growing.

And then… I found another one! A big one. My heart pounded as I pried it open, and to my relief, the meat inside looked fresh and healthy. My stomach twisted and cramped with hunger. My fingers trembled as I reached out and touched it.

Sariel had told me I could eat if I found something, right? That I was the one out here searching, after all, moving around, losing calories.

I grabbed a piece, tore it out, and shoved it into my mouth.

God, it wasn’t delicious, but it was food, and protein.

I swallowed one piece. The moment it landed in my belly was ecstatic, almost too pleasant, and… then I couldn’t stop.

With a wild growl, I shoved another bite into my mouth, and then another, eating everything except the dark parts, which, I assumed, were its digestive organs. The rest, I devoured.

And only then did it hit me.

I stood there, staring at the empty shell in my hands: I had nothing to bring back to Sariel.

Shame burned through me.

I threw the shell as far as I could, like I could erase the evidence of what I’d done. But it didn’t change the fact that I had eaten everything—selfishly, thoughtlessly, without saving even a scrap for him.

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