Page 154 of The Heart of Winter

And then I just… fell asleep.

***

When I woke up, it was already dark outside. I was still lying in Sariel’s arms, and the hunger hadn’t gone away.

Though now, it had changed into something else—a dull, constant pressure, like a low, droning hum in the background. It didn’t let up, couldn’t be silenced, just crept into every cell of my body. The only upside was that it wasn’t as sharp, not as terrifying anymore.

Was I starting to get used to dying?

"Sariel, I have to go out. I have to look for clams," I whispered.

He shifted slightly, then said quietly, "No, Winter. It’s too dark now. You won’t find anything. We’ll make it through the night… just one more night."

One more night?

How many more could I spend like this; lying here, trying to recover strength, while slowly bleeding it out at the same time? It felt like a cruel paradox: stay put and grow weaker, or go out and freeze to death trying.

An impossible choice, with no right answer.

I wanted so badly to tell him, to explain that I had to go, that if we didn’t find something soon, it wouldn’t matter how warm we were here.

It would mean another full 24 hours would pass without even a scrap of food. How many more could we survive before it was the end of us?

But the words wouldn’t come.

I was just too drained, too far gone to argue.

And then, suddenly, Sariel said something so out of place, so disconnected from reality, that for a moment, I thought I’d imagined it.

"Winter, I’m going to turn my back to you now, and you’re going to put your cock inside me."

"What?" I slurred.

Was I already delirious?

"You heard me. Please… just do it."

"I really appreciate that you still crave sex with me, but I’m afraid I don’t have the energy for it. And we should be conserving bodily fluids—"

"It’s not about that. You don’t have to move. Just… this is our last chance."

"For what?" I didn’t understand, or did I? "You've lost your mind."

"I don’t want to explain it to you, because I know you wouldn’t believe me. But please, just trust me."

I stared at him in the darkness—or at least, I tried to make out his shape in it. Did he seriously think that we were True Mates and that entering aJoiningmight actually do something? Heal his leg? Absurd.

But whatever he wanted, I was willing to give it to him. No matter how strange it seemed. What an unexpected thought, so new to me. I had never been in this mindset before, so open to the other person's every whim.

"Sariel, I don’t know if I can… if I even have the strength."

I felt him shift, turning his back to me. His firm, round butt pressed against my crotch, and despite my terrible weakness, my body reacted with a faint twitch.

"This is crazy, Sariel."

"Please. Trust me."

"But really—"

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