Page 156 of The Heart of Winter

These seemingly small, trivial questions loomed over me like massive obstacles. I sat there, staring at everything—at my wet clothes, at his dry ones—running through scenarios in my head, trying to figure out what the best course of action was.

In the end, I grabbed all the blankets, even the one we used for drying off. They were only slightly damp. I wrapped myself in them and pulled on my pants. They were wet, but since they’d been near the stream, at least they were still warm. That could help. Possibly. For a minute?

I took the rest of my wet things and stepped outside the cave.

The sunlight hit me like a slap.

Dizziness swam through my head. Then the freezing air struck, biting into my skin. It was so damn cold. Four layers of blankets might have seemed like enough, but I couldn’t wrap them tightly around my wrists, or my ankles. The cold found every gap, slipping under my covers, working its way into my bones.

Shivering, I started climbing the volcano.

Drying my clothes had to be the priority now. I had so little strength left, each step took an enormous effort. I was panting like a racing dog after barely a hundred yards, my head spinning.

How the hell was I going to make it all the way up?

I regretted, for the first time, all those hours I’d spent at the gym, sculpting myself into this ripped physique. I would’ve had much bigger fat reserves if I hadn’t been jogging for forty-five minutes daily! Now, I was left with my chiseled muscles—so precious before—being wasted, eaten for energy.

Clenching my jaw, I kept moving.

The climb took longer than before. There was more snow on the slopes, and I had to be careful, but at least the wind wasn’t as brutal as yesterday. The sun peeked through the clouds, though it didn’t do much to warm me.

Finally, I reached the rocks where I’d dried the blankets before.

I stared at them for a long moment.

Was that… snow on their surface? Impossible.

I moved closer.

Was it fresh volcanic ash? There was quite a layer!

Had the volcano thrown it during the night? And it had fallen in such an amount all the way down here?

My eyes fixed on the caldera, warily. I hadn’t made it up there yet. Who knew what was hiding at the top? Maybe a roiling lake of lava, ready to spill over and bury us at any moment. After all, we were living in a cave at the base of a fucking volcano, feeding on its warmth. Using it rent-free. For now.

I spread my clothes out on the hot rocks, then crouched next to one that was warm but not scorching, soaking in its heat.

Watching the steam rise from my clothes and blankets, I felt a crushing wave of despair, like a weight pressing me into the ground. I knew the reality of my situation. On a good day, I found maybe two clams. My absolute record. No one could survive on that.

The thought was chilling. If I didn’t find another food source, we were doomed either way. It was just a matter of time, a few more days, and I wouldn’t even have the strength to leave the cave. We’d stay there forever.

That realization sent a fresh jolt of determination through me.

Once my clothes were dry, I put on my shirt and jacket. Only then did I take off my pants and lay them out to dry as well.

I curled up between two warm stones to shield my bare legs from the cold wind. Another fifteen minutes passed, and finally, my pants were dry too. Thank you, oh mighty volcano.

After dressing quickly, I started the descent. At last, I felt a little warmer. Even the smallest improvement filled me with renewed hope.

I hiked down carefully, mindful of the snow, but this time I angled more to the left, toward the meadow where the seats were. And then… well, I saw it.

The letter "H" had been buried again. Completely gone.

But I didn’t have the energy to fix it properly. I stomped it down a bit, half-heartedly, despite the relentless thought in my head that it could be our last hope, our lifeline, and I was neglecting it in my strange numbness, like I’d stopped caring. Like I’d lost all hope.

Slowly, I turned toward the small grove nearby. My hands shook as I snapped off a few branches.

By the time I returned to the cave, I was barely standing, dizziness overwhelming me. I tossed the sticks at the entrance, then peeked inside. Silence.

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