Page 161 of The Heart of Winter

I took off my shoes and rolled up my pants, having a strange premonition that I would need dry clothes. I dragged Winter’s body further and further up the stream until I found a spot warm enough to make a difference. I laid him there, his head resting on the bank, waiting for him to recover a bit.

I pulled a stone out of my pocket, with the mush stuck to it. It had deformed a little, but I tore off a piece and forced Winter’s mouth open.

"Eat. You have to eat, Winter, you have to eat," I repeated. The warm water seemed to have some effect. He shifted slightly, and his eyelids fluttered.

I slid my finger into his mouth, knowing the body had natural mechanisms for waking up. When I touched his throat, he coughed lightly, and then his eyes opened.

They were dazed, almost delirious.

"Sariel?" he mumbled, his voice hoarse and weak.

"Eat. Open your mouth and eat, Winter."

I tore off pieces of the mush and pushed them into his mouth. I knew that, calorie-wise, it wasn’t much, but it was something. Even a few of them were better than nothing. Winter slowly chewed, struggling to swallow. I pulled the water bottle from my other pocket and gave him some to help.

"Why didn’t you come back, Winter? This is madness. You could’ve died out there, frozen. I think you were already starting to go into hypothermia."

Winter’s white lashes trembled slightly. "I didn’t find anything, Sariel. I was so ashamed… so ashamed… that I let you down."

Tears filled my eyes.

"Let me down?! What the hell are you talking about, Winter? You didn’t create this island. You didn’t make it so there were no clams. You didn’t control the seasons, and you didn’t bring January to this part of the hemisphere. And, most of all, you didn’t cause the plane crash. How can you say you let me down? Winter!"

His eyes, pale and hazy, were locked on me. Then he whispered, "But it was me who decided to take you to Japan, instead of Werner."

"Werner couldn’t anyway—"

"He could. But I wanted to go with you." His words hung in the air, almost sounding like a confession. I stared at him for a moment, trying to process them.

"Why?" I whispered.

"Because something keptpullingme toward you, and I just couldn't resist. I wanted you there. I hoped… maybe it would bring us closer."

I let out a breath, closing my eyes.

"Winter… I was happy you chose me. And I agreed! I'm here as a consequence of that. And you know… I wanted the same thing, to be with youmore."

I opened my eyes and met his gaze.

"I loved being with you, even when you hated me. I searched for your closeness… despite it seeming illogical."

Winter chuckled weakly, his chapped lips quivering.

"It was the same with me. I found ways to meet with you, and those ‘accidental’ meetings were rarely accidental. And, to set the record straight, I’ve never hated you, Sariel."

His breath was shaky, shallow, but he added, "I was drawn to you from the day you entered my office."

We were both silent for a strange, sweet moment.

Then I slowly leaned in and kissed his dry lips, whispering against them,

"Winter… For the past few days, you've been pushing yourself to find at least one clam or shellfish for me. Spending hours searching, not giving up, even though you're freezing. How can you say you've let me down? You are my hero, Winter, my love."

I realized that I had unconsciously said those words out loud. Winter’s closed eyes opened, and our gazes met. A silence fell.

"Winter," I whispered, quickly changing the subject. "I want us to survive so badly, because I want to be with you… where life is so much easier and where we can just… enjoy each other. Love each other… be with each other…" I whispered it, feeling a bit foolish. It was definitely not the place for such a confession.

But, paradoxically, my words seemed to make some kind of change. A spark appeared in Winter. Slowly, he raised his hand and touched my cheek.

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