Page 168 of The Heart of Winter

Then it hit me: why hadn’t Sariel returned?

I knew for certain that he hadn’t been here all night.

A tight knot of fear clenched in my chest. Was he still out there searching for food? How had he survived the cold, exposed to the freezing wind and night temperatures?

I knew that the Kuril Islands had a cold maritime climate, influenced by ocean currents. Sure, nighttime temperatures weren’t as extreme as on the mainland, the ocean evened out the fluctuations a bit. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t below freezing. By my estimate, it could have been around 28°F (-2°C), which was still dangerously low.

Where was he?

Where was he?

Where was he?!

The thought drilled into my skull.

I tried to stand, but I swayed, barely catching myself against the cave wall as I straighten up with effort. My body was so weak, it felt like I had turned into a flimsy reed, ready to bend under the slightest breeze.

With great difficulty, I stuffed water bottles into my jacket pockets, then wrapped myself in the last dry blanket.

I bundled the rest of the wet clothes into a ball and tucked them under my arm. At least they weren’t freezing cold, just damp from the humid cave air.

I knew I wouldn’t get far unless I dried my clothes, but climbing up the volcano felt impossible in my condition.

My body was fighting even the idea of physical effort, and I hesitated.

But then I thought, if I didn’t go, if I didn’t find Sariel, then neither of us would ever go anywhere again.

And no one would ever find us.

That would be the end.

I gathered everything I had left inside me, every last trace of will to live, every last shred of strength, and poured it all into a single desperate act: climbing up the volcano’s slope toward the warm stones.

I moved forward solely on sheer willpower, driven by one thought alone: I had to find Sariel. My heart pounded in my chest, struggling to push blood through my veins, but it fought on. I couldn’t give up. I knew I would probably die trying, but I wasn’t going to stop.

Walking at a snail’s pace, step by step, I plodded on, so slowly that by the time I finally reached the stones, the sun had already climbed higher into the sky. Gasping for breath, I spread out my clothes, blankets, and socks on the warm surface, then pressed myself against one of the less hot rocks to avoid burning my skin.

I lay there, staring at the sky, which was mercifully clear that day. I didn’t even look for drones. They had long since forgotten about us. Nine or ten days in this climate? There wasn’t the slightest chance of finding any survivors. The search teams had probably even stopped looking for the wreckage by now. The case was closed. The families had mourned their dead loved ones and moved on with their lives.

My parents had probably come to terms with my death, too. They had seven other children, and I…well, I was a beta, a dead-end branch in the family tree. What kind of loss was that? Probably the least painful of all their children.

A few more days, a week, maybe two, and they would go on living their lives, day after day, forgetting that I had ever walked among them.

Those self-torturing thoughts ripped painfully through my mind as I lay on the warm rock beneath the indifferent, pale-blue sky.

On the other hand, I knew I wasn’t in the best state, especially my mind. I couldn’t think clearly. But what else was I supposed to think about? Hunger? That made no sense. Hunger had become me. It was my second name.

It had sunk into every cell of my body, devouring me from the inside, replacing me bit by bit. But there was still one place it hadn’t reached: myheart.

My heart was still beating, still refusing to surrender.

I realized that whether or not I found Sariel depended entirely on it.

I pressed a hand to my chest, listening to its dull, steady thud. It was still fighting, still trying, still telling death ‘no’, and I took a deep breath, calming down a bit.

The clothes were dry. I started pulling them on. Their pleasant warmth seeped into my weakened body, giving me a tiny bit of strength, but only a little.

I set off along the slope, heading straight for the beach without even going down into the canyon. It took me about half an hour to reach the shore, sipping small amounts of water from my bottle as I walked.

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