Page 200 of The Heart of Winter

Back in the real world, Sariel probably saw it too. He had way more options now than just me.

Or was I misjudging him unfairly?

Should what happened on the island… stay on the island, or should I do something crazy?

After some brooding, I came to the conclusion that this chapter was most likely closed. Dramatic. Terrifying. Beautiful. But it had no easy path forward.

Fuck. That thought hurt. It hurt so goddamn much, it felt like a knife twisting in my chest with every heartbeat.

So I lay in bed, tossing from side to side, my heart pounding, my stomach churning.

The moments we shared; fighting to survive, holding each other up, building something real in the middle of chaos…

As I closed my eyes, I could feel it still, his kisses over my face, tender and soft.

Was it really just going to disappear into nothing? Dismissed by others as just codependency? A survival bond?

That’s what they wanted me to believe.

But my heart?

My heart hated that idea.

***

The next morning didn’t meet me with any rush to start the day, just like the one before.

Again, I lay curled up on my old bed, the same one I’d slept in as a teenager, staring at the bright square of light spilling through the window and across the garden.

It was softer than the light on the island, not so arctic and clear. Mellow, green and gold, piercing through the trees.

It was already past ten, and I was silently refusing to get up. I didn’t want to talk to my parents or my brothers. The initial excitement of being home had faded completely, the endorphin rush had worn off, and now my head was filled with nothing but… Minty.

Physically, I was conserving energy. Mentally, I was burning through all of it, trying to push his image out of my mind. But it was hard.

For some reason, I thought about Logan too, my high school crush. Funny, I still remembered how he dyed his hair blue. There was something about it that charmed me, even back then. I guess I’d always been into that rebellious look, maybe because I was always so… stiff myself.

But of course, I also remembered how he turned me down, calling me an ‘albino beta’. Then I walked away from the school parking lot, furious and gutted, my self-worth shattered.

Looking back now… that rejection felt so empty. Like something scribbled in a childhood diary, stripped of meaning— meaning it never should have had. And yet, the anger and resentment I’d carried back then… had broken something inside me.

Closed me off. Shut down my heart. Made me hate making the first move.

Made me afraid to show that I had wants, needs, desires.

It crippled me. And it was still here, holding me back now.

My eyes wandered toward the phone, the display dark and silent.

One call, and I could hear his voice.

Sariel.

If I wasn’t such a fucking…ME.

I pressed a hand to my chest, feeling the steady rhythm beneath my palm, searching for the strength to do it. To be bold enough…

Then, suddenly, I heard another sound.

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