Page 204 of The Heart of Winter

"This is way more complicated than anything that can be answered in one line," I dodged the question.

But he was watching me way too intently for me to just slip out of answering.

"Winter, what happened between you two on that island?"

I muttered a curse under my breath. I really didn’t want to talk about it, even though I knew it could be good for me, potentially forcing me to confront it, or at least start making sense of it in my own head. These past two days, I’d been doing mental gymnastics to avoid the issue, to downplay it… But I simply wasn’t ready.

"I don’t know what you want me to say," I growled, staring at my hands.

"Did you sleep with him?"

"Oh my God, Finn, seriously? That’s your opening question?"

"Well, you started by asking about my glands, so I feel like I have a free pass to do just that."

"I don’t want to talk about what happened on the island," I snapped, even though I knew painfully well that shutting down wasn’t going to help me. It would only push me deeper into denial.

Finn shifted closer, and I instinctively shrank back, not wanting him to touch me.

But Finn wasn’t planning on that. He had his True Mate, after all. He just leaned in, peering into my face.

"What happened on that island, Winter?"

"A lot! Too much! Way too much, Finn, and I don’t—I can’t make sense of it all yet!" I groaned.

"Do you have feelings for him?" he repeated.

"Even if I do, it doesn’t matter. We’re back in the real world, where everything is complicated again. It’s not just the island and us anymore."

Finn didn’t say anything, but his presence alone created… space inside me. Space to… think about it without so much panic.

And then, before I could stop myself, it slipped out.

"Who the hell am I, that someone like him would choose me? He has options—so many options…"

"Do you love him?"

I rolled my eyes. I hated being cornered like this.

"That’s a strong word. I just don’t know how our lives are supposed to fit together now. You know me, I don’t rush things. I don’t make grand confessions. Maybe that makes me lose out on a lot in life. Maybe I don’t know how to reach for what I want, but this time… this time, I just don’t know if he would even want that."

"You don’t know how he feels?"

"The psychologist said it’s just codependency. Sariel probably understood that we got close because we had no choice. It would’ve happened with anyone. If I’d ended up stranded with Jacob, the situation might have looked the same."

"You really think there’s nothing unique about you and Sariel? That your bond is just some random connection forged by extreme circumstances?"

A sharp pain spread through my chest. I thought of all those moments, when we lay side by side, when Sariel wrapped his arm around me… those quiet, warm hours.

"I want to believe he feels something too. But how much of that is real? And would it last?"

"Maybe you should ask him."

A warning bell went off in my head. I felt a massive wall of resistance rise inside me.

"I couldn’t put him in that position. It would be a pressure. That’s not okay. He’s young. He has his whole life ahead of him. He still has so much to experience before he decides who he wants to be with."

Finn let out a bitter laugh. Then, suddenly, he stood up and went toward the patio door.

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