Page 206 of The Heart of Winter

But the moment his gaze landed on my face, he knew I was all over the place. He wound his arm around my waist and led me to the patio, where we could sit on the rattan sofa.

All my problems seemed less heavy with him near me, as if he was taking some of the weight off. His turquoise eyes were on me the whole time—watching, understanding.

Maybe this was a good moment to say it, since no one else was around.

Something I never, ever dared to say.

To anyone.

"I love you," I whispered. It was officially the first time in my life I’d ever said those words to anyone. But I didn’t want it to stop there…

Maybe… I could tell it to someone else one day?

"I know. I feel it. I always feel you, Winnie."

I snorted in amusement. "Am I such an open book?"

"Not at all. Not to people around you, they all think you’re closed off. But not to me. I can see… your heart."

Those words made quite an impression on me, my hand once more wandering toward my chest. The painful memory flashed in front of me, the day I crawled across the frozen beach, and the muffled sound of my heart was the only thing telling me I was still alive.

My dad noticed my painful grimace and leaned in a bit, saying quietly,

"I could feel you there, you know? I knew you were alive. I felt your suffering, Winnie… I knew you were hungry and freezing. I dreamed about it every single night—how cold you were, wading in those awful waves, searching and almost never finding those clams…"

My eyes filled with unwanted tears. My voice trembled.

"So you knew?" I couldn’t believe it. "You knew how hard it was for me? How I struggled to gather those damn clams? How cold that water was? I was shaking so badly, but I couldn’t stop… because if I did, we’d die…"

"I knew, son," he whispered, his voice breaking. "You weren’t alone. I knew how much it cost you. I know how much you endured. I only wish I could’ve been there with you in person. I wish I could’ve helped more."

His words made something click inside me.

"Sariel did."

Silence. My dad’s hands gently rubbed my arm, but I kept going.

"He… saved me. He came for me and dragged me off that beach when I was barely alive. Then he went on a journey to the other side of the island to find us food. He nearly died trying to collect eggs. And when the volcano erupted, he… he pulled me out of that collapsing cave. He tried so hard to lift the rock crushing me that he started bleeding from his nose… he gave it all in."

"That’s… beautiful, son. I’m forever in his debt, for he saved my treasure." Dad’s voice was warm. "It’s a wonderful thing, to be cared for like that. Sariel… he means a lot to you, doesn’t he?"

Dad tilted his head slightly, looking into my eyes.

A single tear rolled down my cheek, but I fought the need to wipe it away, refusing to be embarrassed by it. Because who, if not him, would understand?

"He does," I admitted. "The question is… do I mean that much to him?"

"Maybe that’s a question you need to ask him. Perhaps right now, he’s asking himself the exact same thing, especially since there’s this… silence between you two."

He was right. What if Sariel was struggling with the same doubts?

What if he thought I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore?

I remembered how he’d tried to smile at me. A few times. How he’d looked at me on the plane, waiting for a sign. And how I’d responded with a blank, indifferent face.

Then he called after me. But I ignored him again.

"The psychologist thinks it’s just codependency. That what we had on the island wasn’t real. Just desperation." I swallowed hard. "But to me… it felt so damn real."

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