Page 208 of The Heart of Winter

Then came the third day. Even more ordinary. Even more routine. As if I hadn’t been missing for close to a month.

The corporate machine roared back to life, and I got swept up in it. Reports, meetings, discussions with department heads, planning conferences. The usual grind.

I was afraid to ask people from HR about Sariel, was he going to be back at work soon?

And I was glad Jacob wasn’t there during those transitional days, because I was too afraid his son’s name would be brought up, that he’d see it in my eyes, the desperate need to see Sariel. And he wouldn’t approve.

No way in hell. Sure, he gave me my job back. But would he have been so generous if he knew the full extent of what had really happened on that island?

Or… did he already know?

I worked like a machine. Half of my mind focused on my responsibilities as a director. The other half curled up inside me, small, miserable, and still trapped on that goddamn island.

As if the island had taken a part of me. As if it had changed me forever.

Turned me into someone who longed for the scent of mint. Who wanted to look into minty, smiling eyes…

No. No, I couldn’t think about this again. And yet, I couldn’t stop.

It was sick and sweet and painful and bitter and everything at once.

Was it possible that after all these years of avoiding it… I had finally fallen in love?

Like a lunatic, I kept trying to tell myself the psychologists were right. That it was just codependency.

But my heart—

My heart said no.

My heart protested.

My heart demanded.

My heart ached.

That traitor pounded in my chest. A traitor to the life I had carefully built.

Sometimes I felt anger.

And sometimes I felt gratitude.

Because maybe, just maybe, it was only because of this traitor that I was still a living, breathing human being. And not just in the literal sense.

***

Then came the fourth day.

And it was even worse. Gradually, I was sinking.

My entire body started to ache. Every cell in me throbbed with pain, growing worse than anything I had ever felt before.

A crushing, suffocating pain.

Sariel… where are you, baby?

I went home, collapsed into bed. Didn’t shower. Didn’t eat. Half of me was missing. It’s not like I gave up instantly. I tried to fight it. I really did. With logic and reason. I argued with myself, explained that I was being irrational, pitiful, like a love-struck puppy…

So silly. So embarrassing.

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