Page 209 of The Heart of Winter

But it was stronger than me.

Every day… I kept going. Still stuck in machine mode, in corporate autopilot. On the fourth day, I dragged myself to work, forced a smile, did everything I was supposed to do.

The only thing that kept me going was the thought that tomorrow was Friday.

At least then I had the weekend to try to pull myself together.

But who was I kidding? That wasn’t possible. Not without seeing Sariel.

SARIEL

The rhythm swallowed me whole as I danced. My body moved almost on its own, and surprisingly, after all those weeks without training, my muscles still remembered every step, every turn, every beat. I kept my eyes closed for most of it. As my arms rose and fell, there was a moment when I actually felt free, maybe even relaxed.

If only it weren’t for thepain.

It clung to me, pulsing through every part of me, refusing to let go, no matter how long I bent and flowed with the rhythm, no matter how lightly my feet left the ground, no matter how deeply I drew breath with each burst of effort, every spin, every leap. Nothing inside me felt light. That old method of mine, shaking off stress through movement, completely failed me this time.

So the dance quickly turned stiff.

Just a series of memorized moves, or a mess of random motion that brought almost no pleasure, just drained me and made the ache worse.

Eventually, I dropped to my knees on the wooden deck.

The sun hung high overhead. Here, February was surprisingly warm. I was wearing a plain T-shirt, and it was enough. Unimaginable back on the island.

I let out a sigh and looked down at my hands resting on my knees. It took me a moment before I finally raised my head, and saw Blue, lounging in his usual spot. To my amazement, he wasn’t buried in his tablet this time. He was watching me, directly, with a look I couldn’t quite read.

It felt weird to be so shut down from sensing other people’s emotions.

Oh, how I missed that connection with Winter, the way I could practically read his mind. Now, everyone felt flat, like paper hiding a second, secret page I couldn’t reach.

In the background, maybe thirty feet behind Blue near the glass entrance to the penthouse, I spotted Gabriel, Blue’s ever-present bodyguard, leaning against the wall, eyes locked on my uncle. That guy never strayed far, always hovering, always watching. It was kind of annoying. And creepy. He just stared at Blue like some weird robot.

I stretched, wincing slightly as my left shoulder twinged. Probably strained a ligament lifting that damned rock on the island.

With a reluctant grunt, I stood up and made my way to my lounge chair, flopping down and grabbing a bottle of mineral water.

"Shitty. Just… everything is really fucking shitty," I muttered in my best attempt at deep philosophy.

"That’s how it goes when you’re in love and have no idea what the hell to do about it," Blue replied, with this unnecessary, smug little tone, like he knew better. As if. What did he even know about being in love?

"He doesn’t want anything to do with me…" I whispered, taking a big sip from the bottle.

"Well, I’m not in his head, and neither are you. So without you both talking, there’s no way to know if that’s true."

Blue leaned back against the headrest, his sapphire eyes drifting toward the sky, where a few soft clouds were lazily passing. His gaze was almost dreamy.

Lately, he actually seemed to be in a good mood, for him, anyway. I wondered if it was because I’d survived. Blue was the kind of person who buried his feelings deep. I’d had to settle for that one awkward hug at the airport.

Or maybe there was another reason he was so chill these days. Shame I couldn’t read him. His light eyes, always unreadable behind those damn digital glasses, stayed focused on the sky, unfazed.

"But I do know one thing," he added. "Maybe you shouldn’t be dancing like a maniac in your current state."

Pfft. I sighed hard. "Nothing’s confirmed yet. Don’t call it acurrent state. I don’t wanna get my hopes up."

Blue’s eyes widened in disbelief. "You haven’t even gotten checked? I told you like five times to go get a damn test!"

I frowned. "Gimme a break. I’m a little scared to know the result. I don’t know what happens next. I don’t know how he’ll react."

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