Page 44 of The Heart of Winter

"You’re joking, right? Most of these people are desperate. They don’t have any other way to find a partner in a normal life, so they’re grasping at their last chance. I read about it once, these folks are leftovers, the ones with serious problems that nobody wants. They’re hoping for a miracle—"

Blue scoffed, slightly offended. "Don’t talk about people like that. Anyone can hit rock bottom, and everyone has the right to look for happiness and hope for a second chance."

"That doesn’t mean you should be looking for someone among those ‘second chances’. You have a much bigger pool to choose from."

He flinched. His gaze drifted away from the sky and locked onto me.

"Oh, really?"

A flicker of bitterness crossed his face. "My reproductive organs were removed when I was fifteen. Two years later, they took my glands too, after an infection set in. I’m sterile. I have almost no sex drive. Do you honestly think I’m anyone’s ideal partner? Maybe I’m the ‘leftover’ here, Sariel?" His voice trembled slightly.

I swallowed hard, staring at Blue for a long moment, unsure how to respond. To me, he was anything but a ‘leftover’. With his brilliant mind and talent, he deserved a good partner.

"I just…" I hesitated. "I didn’t think you even wanted someone. You told me just last week, ‘all or nothing’."

Blue squeezed his eyes shut. He looked like he was in pain.

"I did. But I never said I was going there to find someone, Sariel. Don’t put words in my mouth. I said I was going to watch. Out of curiosity. It would take a miracle, a real miracle, for me to meet someone there whose contract I’d actually want to buy."

Dramatically, I threw my hands up.

"I’m begging you, Blue, don’t do this. Don’t buy a contract there. That’s insane. Those alphas, they could be total psychos, criminals, and you’re so small—"

"Calm down," he interrupted. "First of all, they’re required to disclose that in their CVs, which I can read before signing anything—"

"Oh, come on. You really think that kind of stuff can’t be hidden? The first thing a psycho would do is cover up any incriminating facts about himself—"

Blue closed his eyes and spoke calmly.

"Sariel, please. Get a grip. You’re not helping right now. I already know all the risks, I’ve thought about them myself. I’m careful. Believe me, I wouldn’t make a decision based on impulse, or on some random matchmaking agent’s suggestion. So, how about a little trust, okay?"

We stared each other down for a moment. I thought he was being ridiculous, but what could I do? I sighed.

"Fine. Sorry. Not my business, Blue," I muttered grudgingly. "It’s not that I don’t trust your judgment, it’s just… you know, considering you’re so completely inexperienced—"

Blue’s eyes widened.

"Oh, and you are? You’re just as much of a virgin as I am. We could give each other advice and still be running in circles. You don’t know any more than I do, and you’ve lived half as long."

Silence. I shifted uncomfortably.

"I only said all that because I care about you. No need to get so defensive," I mumbled, turning my gaze toward the pool.

"I appreciate it. But I know exactly what I’m doing. And don’t worry, I won’t do anything that would put me at risk. I’m not an idiot."

I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want to push the conversation any further because I knew we wouldn’t see eye to eye on this. Blue was in a weird mood. Arnold’s news must have really shaken him. Maybe he thought he was going to die before he even got the chance to… Ugh. No. Stop.

I decided to change the subject, to something just as uncomfortable.

"Okay, now I’m gonna tell you something troubling. I’m still having those weird fantasies about my boss."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, you heard me. Crazy, right? He’s openly hostile toward me. He snitched on me to my father."

"Uh… wait. Are you… attracted to him?"

"Yes."

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