Page 45 of The Heart of Winter

Did I say it out loud? Unbelievable.

Blue raised an eyebrow. "That guy looks like an albino. Seriously, you find that appealing?"

A sudden wave of irritation hit me, along with the urge to defend Winter.

"Oh, for fuck’s sake. Are you seriously judging him for his looks? He has no control over that!"

Blue pursed his lips in disdain. "That’s not what I meant. I just didn’t think you had such… unusual taste."

"And what’s so bad about that? For all we know, other people think we’re the freaks with our weird hair colors."

Blue studied me for a moment.

"Are you actually into Winter? Or is this some kind of masochistic thing, toxic attraction? You into people who hate you or something?"

I scoffed and looked away. "A few fantasies about him doesn’t mean I would want to marry him, geez! But I regret bringing it up now because you’re in a shitty mood today."

"Yeah, well, you would be too if you knew you might get blown to bits tomorrow. Planting a bomb is child’s play for a mafia hitman."

Silence settled between us. We both sat there, tense, miserable, filled with bad feelings.

Eventually, I stood up. It was clear that staying here any longer wouldn’t do either of us any good. We weren’t exactly lifting each other’s spirits.

"I’m gonna go be miserable on my own now," I muttered, heading for the exit. "Let me know how it goes at this marriage contract open fair."

"Sure," Blue muttered back, just as sullen. He stayed where he was, staring at the floor. I glanced back at him one last time.

So tiny. So defenseless.

All that genius, and any alpha could snap his neck with their bare hands in a fraction of a second…

For a moment, I felt kind of stupid, maybe I should have been more understanding? His life had been much harder than mine, but clearly, like anyone else, he wanted to change that. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have even considered going to that fair.

What could he have expected to find there? But he did say all or nothing. Maybe, deep down, he dreamed of havingeverything. Of finding love with someone who could truly accept him for who he was. Because really, was there anyone in this world who didn’t want to be loved like that?

WINTER

That day, I couldn’t sit still in my office. I was restless. Every few minutes, I’d get up and walk to the window, staring out at the gray cityscape. The weather had turned gloomy again, and so had my mood.

Something was missing in my life, something I desperately craved, but what?

I placed my hands on the windowpane, hoping I could open it. But in a corporate building, that was impossible. And I needed fresh air, needed to breathe, to just…

Beep.

The screen of my phone lit up; a message had popped up. It had been three weeks since I last saw Finn, and now there was another text from him, asking how I was and how work was going. I didn’t rush to reply.

Truth be told, I didn’t have the slightest desire to see him. I shut my eyes, trying to force myself to focus, to think about the idea of meeting him, to figure out what I even felt toward him.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. My entire body remained passive, indifferent.

I knew exactly what would happen if we met up. Finn would try to initiate something, because that was his role, but it would end the same way it always did. Blowjobs. Ones I’d have to endure, while thinking about anything—anyone—but Finn.

It was getting pathetic. And I was really, really done with it.

Sometimes I was surprised Finn didn’t seem to notice my complete lack of enthusiasm, that our relationship had stopped bringing me even the slightest satisfaction. I knew he wanted something deeper, something intense, something far more serious than I could ever give him.

From the few conversations we had about our ‘ideal partners’, from little things he let slip, I knew he craved a partner he could be completely obsessed with—someone who could consume all of his attention. But that someone wasn’t me. And because of that, we kept disappointing each other again and again.

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