Page 141 of Inside the Sun

My voice cracks. "You know… I’ve only ever been in love once. The first time."

He studies me carefully.

I sigh. "But he killed someone, and he had to run. And since then… I’ve never felt that again. But I want to, even if just for a moment. I want to remember what it’s like, to have the sense of belong to someone. Like I still mean something. Like I have a future…" I plead.

Ragnar turns his body too, to face me fully, and slowly raises a hand. His fingers slide along my cheek, gently.

And his eyes… oh, Fate. Dogger used to look at me like that. For a second, I let myself believe I’m back in that place. That I’m standing in front of someone who’s my whole world.

Then, without a word, he leans in. His lips brush mine, shockingly soft, tender.

I close my eyes and pretend it’s real. That we have something.

We kiss for a while, slow, almost dreamlike. My hands wrap around his neck. His arms circle my waist. I fall into his energy, lose myself completely in that kiss, forgetting everything. It’s like golden light surrounds us.

Just a little longer. Just—

Ragnar pulls back and sinks down onto the bench. I climb onto his lap, straddling his thighs, barely breaking the kiss.

Oh, Fate, I need another human being who doesn’t want to hurt me, someone who doesn’t radiate that cold, seething hatred…

And then it just slips out of me.

"Tell me you love me, lie to me. Please. Just lie to me. Be the last person who says it to me. Do it for me."

"I love you," he says quietly, his tone soft.

And for a second, I almost believe him. Almost. I bask in this feeling.

Then I slowly rise from his knees, take a step back, and start pulling off my shirt.

His eyes move over my body, over my bruises. I know it hits him, but he pushes through it, doesn’t let it stop him. My skin is covered in the marks of violence, but Ragnar understands I don’t want to staytrappedin that violence. He reaches out and lets just the tips of his fingers trace the shape of each bruise, so gently, as if he were painting over them. Then he leans in, and his lips follow, kissing softly, creating tender trails along every scratch, every dark mark.

He doesn’t even realize it, but in some twisted way, the kisses hurt even more, like thorns against skin. Because they whisper of something I can’t have, real love and closeness. That’s a world unavailable to me now. And what I get from Ragnar feels like a beautiful illusion.

His fingers hook into the waistband of my pants, sliding them down. My body, ignorant of the pain I carry inside, responds instinctively to the feel of his lips. My dick stands shameless, proud and expectant, a thin trickle of pre-cum dripping down.

Ragnar grabs my hips and pulls me toward him, so I’m right in front of him.

Seeing how hard I am, Ragnar glances up at me, and there’s something new in his gaze. Something sensual, maybe even a little provocative. He raises one brow, and then slowly wraps his lips around the head of my cock, and fuck, it’s so good…

I can’t even remember the last time someone gave me a blowjob. I’m usually the one doing it, being the bottom means people kinda expect that. So I appreciate this rare pleasure twice as much. And Ragnar is good at it. His lips tighten around myswollen head, pulling my hips even closer. A quiet gasp escapes me as his mouth forms a snug, warm ring around me. He takes me deep, no hesitation, no choking.

It's a wet, hot heaven, and when his hands grab my ass cheeks and start pulling them rhythmically toward him, then back, initiating the face-fuck, I know I'm going to lose it. I wish I could be more active in this part, but unfortunately, my staying powers are a joke, especially when it comes to sex with Ragnar. So I don't even try, I just let him do it.

My hands fall to his shoulders and up, threading into his strange silver hair. It’s not wiry like I expected, it’s soft, like silk. I run my fingers through it, stroke his head, surrender to the moment. The world narrows to pink bubbles of pleasure, as his lips tight around my cock. The horrors slide away to some dark corner of my mind.

Eventually, it has to end. I let out a muffled, almost pitiful sound, trying to warn him, but I don’t think I need to. He’s ready. I come hard, a stream of blissful heat tearing through my lower back as I unload into his throat. God, the contrast between this and what I’ve lived through these past days, it’s dizzying. Unreal. But it only makes me hungry for more. One orgasm isn’t enough. I want more of his hands on me, his mouth. He leans back, looking up with a soft smile, licking his lips.

I don’t smile back. I’m serious now, I need more.

I push my pants all the way down, kick them off, then lean forward and unbutton his. Oh, he’s so hard for me, his massive dick head, red, dripping. I fumble with the condom, of course, it’s not the perfect fit, but I get it on him anyway, desperation helps.

Then I grab the hem of his shirt and pull it up so that I have contact with his skin. After, I straddle him, no more hesitation, my opening is already slick. The orgasm has relaxed everything inside me, and I slide down on him in one slow, smooth motion.

First the thick head pushes through, breaching my ring, and then inch by inch his shaft sinks deeper into me.

Ragnar’s face changes. He looks like someone lost in pleasure, that strange mixture of softness and tension, like a bow pulled back, ready to release.

---