Page 142 of Inside the Sun

I sink even lower, feeling him stretch me, letting him go all the way. On the way down, his bulbous head rubs right against my prostate, sending little jolts of pleasure fluttering through my pelvis.

Deeper. Up to the entrance of my uterus. I need all of his thickness. I need to feel completely filled, bred. It’s the only thing that comes close to satiating that despair inside me: being impaled, vulnerable, a slave to nothing but pleasure. I’m about to close my eyes, to drift into that mindless pink ecstasy—but then I catch his gaze.

And it’s not the look of someone just fucking me, which kinda shocks me. For the last two years, nobody looked at me like that, none of my exes. Lust yes, but… not with this tender glow in it, the softness.

The moment our eyes meet, something in me changes, my chest almost hurts.

"I want to…" I breathe out, "I would wish to hear those words one day from you, but for real."

His eyes… they are locked on me, and he understands, I feel him so well, his hand brushes my cheek, tracing along my lower lip. There’s a sad smile on his face, and I know we both crave more than just the fucking.

So I add breathlessly, "And I wish I could say them back."

Then I close my eyes and whisper, "Make love to me, like it’s all there is!"

And our lips meet.

I start to move, just a little. Barely lifting myself off him before sinking down again. All the while, we stay locked in thatkiss. His hands slide over my body in a mix of ache and care, and it starts to heal something in me, it’s like he’s pulling me out of the void. And I want to hold onto it. My movements stay slow, drawing out this connection. I let myself prolong it, the space without pain, only pleasure.

I need to appreciate it. If I survive this, my life will never be the same. I’ll savor every moment, every flash of happiness. Cherish all the small, good things instead of calling everything ‘boring’.

That’s what I’m learning now—while I’m making love to Ragnar.

His hands trail along my sides, grazing over my nipples, brushing my collarbones, even my scent glands. Then they return to my face, caressing my cheek again with that same gentle touch, and that soft gesture gives me enough strength to face another day.

Then suddenly, Ragnar leans in close to my ear and whispers:

"Don’t think about anything else, baby. Think how good this feels. There’s nothing else in the world but this moment."

God, he gets it, he really gets it. There’s only the glide of our hot bodies, the warmth of our mouths, the long, unhurried kisses, the slow rise and fall of my hips. But I know how fragile it is, like butterfly wings, about to shatter into a thousand pieces.

Suddenly, the orgasm hits.

My head falls back, and a golden pulse travels up my spine, bright as a solar flare. For a second, I truly feel like a star. Expanding outward in a wave of pure energy. My dick unloads and it seems endless, one spurt after another, all hitting Ragnar’s abs. So good, Just a few more seconds, please! Just a few more… before I burn out and collapse into a black hole.

Sadly, it has to end.

I let my head drop onto Ragnar’s shoulder, and I cry again. Of course. Deep, silent sobs wrack my body.

But this time, he doesn’t pull away. His warm hands move gently across my back, calming me, helping the sobs to die down quicker than usual.

"Will you remember me?" I whisper. "When I’m gone? Even if to you I was just some stupid whore a mobster played with, someone to blow out like a goddamn candle…"

Ragnar's fingers tangle in my hair, and he gives me a gentle shake.

"Don’t say that. Maybe it won’t end like this, Sun. Perhaps he’ll let you go…"

"You don’t believe that yourself. That’s why I want you to promise me you’ll remember me. Don’t let thesunset, don’t let it fade away…"

"Alright, Sun. I promise."

I bury my face in his neck and start sobbing again, letting all the adrenaline drain from my body with this flood of tears. And even though I know Ragnar doesn’t love me, it’s so easy to imagine what it would be like to be loved by him.

For a moment, I let myself believe in that fleeting fantasy, that my life could change, that it could go on, that it could actually be good. Sweet, true. That there could be love.

But that illusion has to vanish, and reality has to take its place.

Soon, we both fall silent.

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