Page 152 of Inside the Sun

I don’t cry. Not ever. But right now, I feel like I could. All I see is Sun’s face, and it breaks my heart. I hurt him. And I can’t stand it.

I accelerate again, the road blurs beneath me, the engine screams louder. I just want to get away, from this guilt, from this rage. I want the wind to rip it out of me, to scrub me clean.

The faster I go, the more it strips away, I feel lighter. Like maybe I could rise above all this, the impossible. Like perhaps I could beat it. And for a second, I even believe it.

And then, in the corner of my vision… a car. It’s turning. The driver doesn’t see me.

I slam the brakes, try to lay the bike down, but it’s too late.

My body hits the side of the car.

And everything goes black.

SUN

I head back to my room, completely wrecked, as if my body’s been crushed between two grinding stones.

Everything that’s happened today… I need time to think. I need to put things in order. So I curl up on my bed, reaching for my new vape.

One thing’s clear: I’ve just lost the last bit of comfort I had. Ragnar. I can’t go back to that little gazebo again.

Not now. Not ever. He’s not mine. He came here for Summer. That’s his priority. He doesn’t trust me, I’m a liability, so I won’t throw myself at him. I’ve got some dignity left.

But thinking about it still hurts. I take a drag from my vape, but it barely helps, and another tear slips from my eye.

That fragile something that had started to grow between us… it’s gone.

Pain. Loneliness. Disappointment. That’s all that’s left of me.

Before, I lived for those brief moments I could see Ragnar. They were like coming up for air when you’ve been drowning.

Now I don’t even have that.

I press my face harder into the pillow. I want to cry, but the tears won’t come. I can’t even force them out to get some release, let the adrenaline escape. It just stays inside, burning me up.

I close my eyes and go to sleep, hoping to sleep it away.

***

The next day, during breakfast, I catch Summer looking at me. I can tell he wants to talk. But I can’t. I won’t. I don’t want to. No more conversations. No more false hope.

When I step out into the hallway, Summer catches up and grabs my hand.

"Wait, Sun—"

I yank my hand away.

"Leave me alone! Both of you, just fucking leave me alone. I don’t want anything from you. I don’tneedanything from you!" I almost growl, even though Summer has only been kind to me, but it’s just the hurt speaking.

"Please. Just come to my room for a minute. Let’s talk."

"I don’t want to talk, Summer," I grit out, stepping back.

"Please," he whispers.

I clench my jaw, turn, and walk away, leaving him standing there in the hallway.

As I near my room, I see one of the older servants walking by with a tray of empty champagne flutes. That gives me an idea. If the vape isn’t strong enough, maybe this will help.

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