Page 165 of Inside the Sun

Yeah, I remember what I said to my dad, but it’s just to numb myself a bit.

I also open the box Ennio sent me and take out the vape. Why not?

Armed like this, feeling slightly out of my body, I can face the next chapter of my life.

Then, despite knowing better, I stand by the damned window.

I freeze there, staring blankly.

Time passes.

Minutes. Then… hours.

Before I know it, it’s time for dinner.

Then I’m back at the window again.

And I stare. Once more.

For hours, I linger there, ignoring the pain in my legs and the discomfort in my spine.

Drinking, vaping.

Of course, I also admire the garden Ragnar took care of.

It’s all his work, after all: a perfect, modern garden, very much to my liking.

I smile and imagine a silly little vision, just for a second, that maybe one day we could work together. Designing and caring for gardens. After traveling the world first, of course. Settling down somewhere, opening our gardening business. We could work side by side, coming up with ideas for how to make things that are of nature but also with a touch of aesthetic. I’ve always loved the idea of doing something that’s so calming yet at the same time embodies beauty.

But it’s just a silly thought, right?

And Ragnar and I havenofuture together.

I can’t even explain why that hurts worse than the idea of what the end might look like for me.

He’s nobody. He doesn’t care about me.

But I still want to see him. Just once.

Even if it’s for a second.

Even if it’s the last time.

So I stay by the window.

No matter how many days pass…

I’ll stay there, waiting.

I just do.

RAGNAR

Every day at the hospital feels like a test. The doctors treat me like some kind of anomaly; a special case, a curiosity. Some of them, probably young interns or residents, keep showing up just to check my vitals or stare at me like I’m some sort of medical marvel. They’re clearly fascinated by how fast I’m healing. I mean, I was basically fine within 24 hours of a serious accident with head trauma. And sure, maybe it’s impressive, but haven’t they seen other purple alphas before?

At one point, I even overhear two of them talking in the hallway. One of them says it’s a miracle they did a CT scan before the MRI. Apparently, the CT showed a weird, distorted image that made them hesitate. If they had gone ahead with the MRI, it could’ve killed me. They were shocked to realize I’m a purple alpha without the usual purple color of lines, not something they’re used to seeing.

Normally, all purple alphas have that silicon-carbide-based cerametal armor inside. It’s a very resilient organic-metal composite. But in my case, the metal content on the surface of the plates and spikes is unusually high. That gives them a metallic sheen (and adds to my weight). If they had put me in the MRI machine, the metal components could have shifted and torn up my tissues. That whole procedure is banned for purplealphas, but my appearance threw them off. It didn’t help that I wasn’t carrying any ID, so they had no access to my medical files. I’m undercover as Lind not Larsen, so there’s no way I could just casually keep a real ID in my pocket.

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