Page 219 of Inside the Sun

After a long shower downstairs, I head back up. Sun’s already changed, he’s wearing a long white T-shirt and sitting at the edge of the bed. His golden hair is down, falling in soft waves halfway down his back. In his hands, he’s holding the collar he wore around his neck for nearly two months.

I walk over slowly and sit beside him on the bed.

He sighs and says, "My dad said I was strong… that I survived. But you know what the worst part was? It wasn’t even the things Anzo did to me. It was the hopelessness. That feeling that there was no chance for me. That I was never getting out. That it would take a miracle… and I didn’t believe in miracles."

He lifts his eyes to me and gives a sad smile.

"Come here," I say, climbing onto the bed and patting the sheet beside me.

Sun slowly lies down next to me. It’s the first time we’re in bed together like this, the first time we’ve been this close, lying side by side.

And somehow… it’s a little awkward. Exciting, but still awkward. The truth is, our relationship is evolving in real time. Even though we’re True Mates, there’s still so much that’s new between us, so we’re catching up.

"Your dad’s right. Not many would’ve had the guts to stand up to Anzo. I’ll always respect you for that, for surviving with your dignity intact. Even when you thought you were all alone. Even when I didn’t stand by you like I should’ve."

Sun smiles again, soft but sad.

"Ragnar… If I were you, I would be very careful in such a situation also. I reacted emotionally only because I felt so alone. No one made it their mission to get me out of that fortress the way you did for Summer. But that’s on me. I made sure no one knew, only Jared. And like you, he had a lot to lose."

"You were trying to protect people. Your family. It’s admirable. If you’d sent a message to your dad, they might’ve acted too soon… and they’d be dead now. That was a strategic decision. Brave. Smart."

Sun shifts onto his side to face me.

"It was hard, though. When it’s about survival, you flip into a strange mode. You realize you can’t trust anyone. Not when the people pulling the strings are like that."

"And yet… I could trust you," I say, my tone bittersweet, as I brush a golden strand from his bruised cheek. "Even in that survival mode, when anyone else would’ve sold out every piece of their soul, just to stay alive, you didn’t. Sometimes you make me forget you’re only eighteen… and sometimes…"

I trail off, my hand sliding down to his neck, to the glands at his throat.

"…I don’t want to remember. However wrong it sounds."

His skin shows marks of what he’s been through, but I know they’ll fade soon. By tomorrow, they’ll be gone, especially once we enter the Joining. Just thinking about it warms me from the inside out.

Sun shivers a little under my touch.

"You know," he whispers, "I don’t feel eighteen. I feel like a damn old man dreaming about retirement."

There’s a sense of loss in his words—deep and silent, and I feel it too. Like it seeps into my bones. That part of his youth and innocence is in a way forever lost.

"We both deserve retirement. And if we decided we were done with vacations, maybe the next stage would be another retirement-typical activity, like caring for people’s gardens."

We both laugh… our first real, shared laugh as free people.

Sun lies there, looking at me for a while.

His face looks so different from what I’ve grown used to. Ever since I met him, there’s always been a trace of fear, tension, or desperation in his expression. But now, it’s all gone. And without it, he seems like a new person, like an entire uncharted world laid out before me, a world Fate has chosen just for me.

I roll over slowly, until my body rests above his. Our chests, our hips pressed tightly together. I support myself on my elbows, and his face is directly beneath mine. It’s the first time we’ve ever lain like this.

Up close, his eyes look even more unguarded. Waiting. I get the strange sense that Sun hasn’t had sex in this face-to-face position very often, maybe not at all. There’s a flicker of hesitation in him, like he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do. Eventually, his hands rise and settle shyly on my shoulders, tentative, like he’s checking if that’s okay.

My nose is full of his enticing scent now. No anti-Allure deodorant, I'm completely immersed in the sweet aroma of orange blossom. His body wash tried to imitate it before, butit’s nothing compared to the real thing. Sun’s skin carries the delicate fragrance of freshly opened orange flowers, and it’s flooding my senses.

I wonder if I should say something, a compliment, maybe, or some kind of reassurance, but maybe it’s not necessary. Perhaps I can show him everything I feel in another way.

Deliberately, I skip his lips. I lower my head and press a soft kiss to his cheek. Again, I feel that little pulse of surprise from him. It’s almost bashful.

I still hesitate about saying something, but then I sense it… he’s not asking me for words. I’m no romantic poet. I’m just a soldier, and he accepts me like this.

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