Page 226 of Inside the Sun

It’s full of longing for the road. And I get it. I feel the same way.

SUN

It’s hard to put into words what I’m feeling as I step out onto the driveway with Ragnar. The tears just won’t stop. They say adrenaline is released through tears, and if that’s true, it’s like I’m cleansing two whole months of adrenaline out of my system.

Did my life come full circle from the day Dogger left?

Or maybe it’s not a circle, maybe it’s a spiral rising upward. Because this is even better.

I look at Ragnar’s bike and feel something I’ve never felt before:

I give this person his freedom back, I release him.

I forgive Dogger.

Yes, I forgive the stupid thing he did, for which I was so angry at him, because I did something stupid too.

But I got lucky. Somehow, against all odds, things worked out for me. Life gave me a second shot at happiness.

And it’s opening now wide, like a vast sky over unending roads.

Ragnar hands me a helmet with that crooked little smile I remember from the first time I saw him, spraying plants for spider mites.

"Hop on," he says, patting the seat behind him.

But right then, someone runs up to us from the direction of the house.

It’s my dad.

His lips are trembling with emotion, his eyes filled with tears.

He opens his arms, and I don’t hesitate. I wrap him in a strong hug. A tight one. The kind you don’t want to let go of.

"Oh, Sun. I’m going to miss you."

"I will too. But it’s gonna be the good kind of missing. Not like… the desperate kind I felt back in the fortress."

Dad looks up at me, his eyes wet and full of sympathy.

"If only you knew how much I wish you’d been spared all that."

"But in the end, that path led me to where I need to be. And there’s something I want you to know…" I whisper, putting my hands on his shoulders.

"You know, before I met Ragnar in the fortress, I was alone. Terrified. Sinking into the darkness. But there was one light inside me that kept me going. You. Ifeltyour love, even from far away, and it helped me survive. I kept thinking about our last talk in the dorm, when you brought me the lecsó, when you wanted to hug me. When you told me you loved me. And I regretted not saying it back… but I want you to know I did say it back. Over and over, while lying alone in that locked room, after that bastard electrocuted me. I said it a hundred times, Dad. Iloveyou."

Dad closes his eyes for a second, but I continue,

"What I told you then… it was real. You should’ve been named Sun, not me. You were the one who gave me light when I was drowning in the dark."

Tears are rolling down Dad’s cheeks, and mine too.

I lean in and kiss his forehead, then hugs him hard.

"You’re awesome, you know that?"

He chuckles through the tears. "Best compliment a dad could ever get," he whispers, his voice still shaky with emotion.

I turn and see Ragnar watching us from his bike.

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