Page 33 of Love Potion

He grabs his drink order, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I know what I’m doing with Jerr, and I’ve waited twenty years for this. A few more months is nothing.

THIRTEEN

JERRYN

Sittingin the same room I was in three days ago feels just as awkward as it did the first time. There are a lot more people here for this presentation, of mixed genders and ages, and that knowledge is weirdly comforting. I’m not alone in questioning my sexuality or how I identify. Not at all.

Bane has been so sweet the past couple of days, providing much needed emotional support as I navigate this stuff and offering to come with me again if I needed it, but I want to hear this information and process it without thinking about my best friend.

He’s been doling out extra physical touches, from massages to cuddles, and while he’s always been like this with me, I’m especially appreciative of it this week. My thoughts drift back to the first time we cuddled on the beat-up couch in our shared dorm room. I’d had a rough week in my calc class and he asked me what he could do to help. I very bravely told him I needed a hug, and Bane, being the amazing guy he is, took it up a notch and played the big spoon to my little one until I fell asleep. I woke up with his body still wrapped around mine, his cock soft, then not so soft as it rubbed against my ass.

It was at that moment that I wished I was wired differently. I wished Iwantedto twist around and kiss him, explore his body, bring him pleasure, but not only did I not have a clue of what to do, my dick wasn’t hard. Not even kind of. All I really wanted was to keep cuddling with him. Even in the few fleeting moments when I felt some kind of physical urge, I didn’t have the guts to pursue it or even bring it up, knowing it would be gone too soon. My sexual attraction is infrequent, but I was and am very much attracted to everything else about Bane.

A younger guy chooses the seat next to me, offering a smile as he gets comfortable. He reminds me of Ridley back in college—tall and lanky, with a casual, laid-back vibe. His hair is shaved on the sides and bright green down the center, with the longer section hanging in his face. His bottom lip has a silver hoop through it, and he tugs it with his teeth for a second before glancing at me again.

“I’m Dylan.”

“Hey. I’m Jerryn.”

Dylan nods, looking around the space. The room we’re in has various sexuality flags hanging up around the perimeter, and there’s a rainbow drawn on the whiteboard.

“Hey, man, can I ask you a personal question?” Dylan fidgets with the hem of his light jacket.

“Okay.”

“You’re, like, in your thirties?”

“Forties, actually.”

Dylan’s eyes go wide. “Dude. You look awesome.”

“Thanks. Why are you asking?”

“I’m twenty-three, and I’m seeing that I’m not like other guys my age. Never have been. You know, when it comes to the sex stuff.”

I nod. Obviously we have that in common considering where we’re at.

“I figured I was too old to still be figuring this shit out, but you’re older than me.”

“I don’t think there’s an age requirement. I’ve seen a few things online in forums, and sometimes people are even older than me when they finally connect the dots.”

Dylan nods. “I guess it was weird because, like, I knew at a young age that I was into guys and not girls at all. Like, middle school probably.”

“Yeah, same.”

“But…” He leans forward, balancing his elbows on his knees. “I didn’t want to do physical stuff with them. I just wanted to look, touch, smell.” He laughs softly. “I love the way men smell.”

I smile, nodding to show I’m listening.

“As I got older, it didn’t really change. I experimented a little, and it was cool, but it wasn’t the way it should’ve been.”

“Yeah.”

“I met this guy two years ago. Rick. I was in an online forum about sexuality and he messaged me because he liked the things I said. He said he was asexual, so his need for sex was limited. I felt really safe with him, you know? Like he would get it.”

“Did he?”

Dylan nods, but I see the slight sadness in his expression. “Unfortunately, we didn’t connect in other areas. There was no spark. We even tried being intimate once, but it was a mess.” He laughs again. “Sorry, I’m just dumping everything on you.”

---