Page 36 of Love Potion

“That’s a complex question,” Jae says. “There’s any number of reasons. I’m attracted to women sexually, but not all women. I still have preferences. Those don’t go away regardless of your sexuality.”

“Right.” He nods. “That makes sense.”

“You could also fall into the gray-ace category,” Jae continues. “Where maybe your attraction lies more with men than women, but it’s still inconsistent.”

“What happened with the hotel guy?” Dylan asks.

“He lives in another state, but we’re still friends.”

“Cool,” Dylan says.

“How do I decide?” the man asks Jae and Toni. “How do I know?”

“Experience is helpful,” Toni says. “You may find your attraction is more specific. Like there was something about the man you met that was appealing, but since you don’t know what that is, you’re still waiting to feel it again. That’s okay.”

“Everything is okay.” Jae nods as he glances around the room. “As long as everyone is consenting, then however your sexuality defines itself is okay.”

“And also,” Toni says, “you don’t have to choose a label. Some people find it helpful in understanding their identity, while others don’t need it, and are more open to whatever.”

“And if you choose a label,” Jae continues, “It doesn’t have to be fixed. Five years ago I would’ve told you I was a masc lesbian, but that’s not where I’m at anymore. My gender shifted, and my sexuality shifted too. I’m gender-fluid, and while I’m primarily attracted to female presenting people, I don’t use the term lesbian anymore as I’ve had experiences with people who are not female presenting or assigned female at birth.”

“What term do you use?” another person asks.

“Queer,” Jae answers. “It works for me.”

The man nods.

“I’m a bisexual woman,” Toni says. “It took me a long time to get there because while I always felt the term woman applied to my gender, my sexuality was very confusing to me for a long time. I’m aesthetically attracted to men and masculinity, but for physical and romantic relationships, I’m drawn to women and female presenting people.”

“Can you explain more?” a woman asks.

Toni nods. “Of course. I grew up believing I was straight because I dated men and wasn’t repulsed by them or their parts, even though I knew I was very attracted to women and femininepresentations. I didn’t know I could be something besides very straight or very gay.”

I see a few people nod in agreement around the room.

“And then I had my first sexual experience with an AFAB person. Assigned female at birth. It changed my whole world. I dated women after that, and the experience was just mind-blowingly different. I came to understand that men and masculinity have a certain appeal for me. I describe it as aesthetic, nice to look at, but that’s all. So lesbian doesn’t fit for me, but someone with the exact same experience might choose it. It’s individual.”

The man who asked the initial question thanks them and sits down while Toni and Jae answer more questions. It’s very validating to know so many people have had similar experiences to mine. Maybe Bane is right, and there’s really nothing wrong with me. I’m just wired a little differently than most. I’m in a different spot on the spectrum.

I get the nerve up to ask the question bouncing around my head, slowly raising my hand.

“Yes?” Jae says, pointing at me.

“Let’s say a person is gray-ace and demi.”

Jae nods.

“How would they know if the way they feel about a person is romantic attraction or just…” I shrug. “Friendship?”

Jae’s expression softens like she knows exactly what I’m talking about.

“It’s hard to answer without knowing all the details, but I would say it’s important to note the difference in those feelings with one person versus with other people. If you have a friend, and think you may have some physical or romantic interest but you’re unsure, then pay attention to how you feel around other friends.”

I never feel things with the guys. “That makes sense. One more question?”

“Of course.”

“If you’re demisexual, could it take twenty years for the emotional bond to morph into something else?”

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