Page 38 of Love Potion

“Maybe.” He bites his bottom lip for a second. “They talked about this term… gray-ace demi. It resonated with me.”

“Explain it to me?”

Jerr nods. “Demisexual is when a person experiences attraction only after an emotional bond has been made. They wouldn’t be into one-night stands and never feel love at first sight.”

“Got it.”

“Ace is short for asexual, but combined with gray, it’s basically like a person can feel sexual attraction but it’s inconsistent, or not as intense, or over quickly. So a gray-ace demi person experiences infrequent or inconsistent sexual attraction after an emotional connection has been made.”

I nod, taking that all in. “That does sound like you.”

“I know.” He smiles. “When I heard it, it felt like I was meeting myself for the first time.”

“Mind blown. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks. I’m happy too. Just knowing that what I experience is something other people do too is really helpful. I can’t fix it, because it’s not broken. It’s just how I’m wired.”

“Right. I’m glad you see it now. You were never broken.”

He nods, but I still see the hesitation in his eyes. He’s holding something back.

“How do you feel now?”

“Different. Less burdened, I guess. But I want to research it more, see if I can understand what triggers that desire in me sometimes.”

“It might not be something you can put your finger on. Attraction is chemical.”

“But what if I—” He shakes his head, abruptly cutting himself off.

“Hey.” I put my hand on his thigh. “You know you can say anything to me.”

“I know.” He’s quiet for several moments, picking at the cuticle on his thumb. “I don’t want to be the only one who’s alone.”

“What?”

Jerr lifts his gaze. “Someday you’ll find someone. The other guys already have. I don’t want to be the weird single guy hanging around all the couples. I want to understand what makes me tick so I know what I have to offer someone.”

My jaw almost drops. He really doesn’t see me as an option at all, and I’m not sure how to get us there without blurting it out, which, again, I know how he’ll react. He’ll think it’s in response to this conversation we’re having right now, and that I feel sorry for him. He can’t see that my whole world revolves around him.

“I don’t see that happening. I don’t even date, Jerr.”

“But you should.”

I blow out a breath, trying to think my way through this, but all I’ve got is the truth.

“What if I don’t want to?”

Jerr tilts his head.

“What if I’m perfectly happy right now?”

“Well, that’s fine, but you might not be forever.”

“Why are we worried about the future and what may or may not happen?”

“You have a lot to offer someone, Bane.”

At least he can see that. “So do you.”

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