Page 39 of Love Potion

He shifts, half shrugging. “I want to tell you something, but I’m not sure how to say it or how you’ll take it.”

“Come on, Jerr. You know me. You can say whatever.”

He nods, staring at his hands folded in his lap. I can’t imagine what he could have to say that’s got him so twisted up.

He sucks in a breath and blows it out slowly. “Sometimes, rarely… I mean, just a few times, but it’s definitely happened…”

“Huh?”

Jerryn huffs. “Sorry. Give me a second.”

“Take your time.”

Jerryn shakes out his shoulders and twists his neck back and forth. “Okay. Remember what I said about the gray part of asexuality?”

“Um, yeah, infrequent or short-lived sexual attraction?”

He nods. “Sometimes I do get turned on.” Bright pink splotches burst onto his cheeks and neck as soon as the words are out of his mouth.

I nod, knowing he’s had a few sexual experiences in his life. “Yeah. Of course.”

I can tell from the way he fidgets and avoids eye contact that he has more to say, so I wait.

“What I mean to say is, um, when it happens, it’s gone quickly, and I wonder sometimes if I were more, um, open about it I guess, if it would stay longer.”

“Open about it?”

“Like, if I acknowledged it when it was happening. If I told the person causing it, would it help?”

“Oh, okay. That’s not what you do?”

He shakes his head. “I think I’m afraid to bring it up, and then it’s gone and I’ve disappointed the person.”

“If you’re with the right person that won’t happen.” I can promise him that.

“I’ve never been with the right person. I thought Alec…” His words trail off as he shakes his head. “You know.”

“He wasn’t the guy, Jerr. That’s all.”

“I know, but it’s scary because the only way I’ll know is by telling them.”

“I get that it’s scary, but isn’t it better to know sooner than later if the guy’s not the one?”

“Yeah.” He smiles, but it’s a sad one. “Still scary.”

“I know.”

“You don’t though, not really. You can empathize, but you’ve got everything going for you. You’ve never had to tell someone you’re into that you might disappoint them.”

“Fair, but I stick by what I said. If they don’t want you as you are, they aren’t the right person. Full stop.”

“Maybe.”

“Jerr.” I scoot a little closer, putting my hand on his cheek so he has to look at me. “You’re not a disappointment, and it pisses me off to hear you say that about yourself. You’re amazing. So kind and funny and smart. You’re generous with your heart and you give it to your friends freely. You’re my best friend for a reason.”

Jerr’s eyes turn glassy as he reaches up and grabs my wrist. “ I wish…” He clears his throat, blinking rapidly. “Thank you.”

“I mean every word.”

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