Page 56 of Love Potion

“And in my mind, when it comes to certain people…” I shake my head. “No. I’m being weird.”

“You’re not. Just take your time.”

“Okay. If I’m honest, in my head, you’re the person I have those kinds of thoughts about.”

“Sexual thoughts?” he asks carefully.

I nod, looking at my mug instead of his handsome face. “I think you’re hot and sexy and visually very nice to look at.”

“Yeah?”

“That doesn’t happen with every guy, or even most guys. Like the ones I’ve dated. I’ve had to sort of convince myself to do physical things with them, but you…” I pause again, swallowing my nerves. This is Bane. I can tell him anything.

He puts his hand on my thigh, rubbing softly.

“You’re different,” I manage to say. “You’ve always been different. A long time ago, I would feel it more often, usually after a night of drinking and hanging out when you’d be extra touchy with me. We’d end up in your bed and you’d curl around me and I could feel…” I clear my throat. “You know.”

“You could feel my hard dick pressed up against you?”

My eyes widen and I laugh nervously. “Yeah.”

“And you’d wonder if I was just drunk or was I really turned on by you. Now you know.”

I nod, taking a sip of my drink. “Sometimes, I’d close my eyes and imagine it.”

“Imagine what, Jerr?”

“Touching you. I’d have this thought of wanting to, maybe even asking you if I could, but I was never brave enough. I didn’t want to get you worked up and not be able to see it through.”

“I had no idea.”

“I know. Eventually, I pushed those thoughts away because they were frustrating.”

“I get that.”

“And then I heard this term, gray-ace demi, and it was a lightbulb moment. It makes more sense to me now the way Ifeel around you sometimes. Our connection is safety for me, and safety allows me to explore. It allows my body to be free.”

“Jerr, that’s incredible.” He puts his mug on the coffee table before taking mine and doing the same. “I feel incredibly honored.”

“Honored?” I scoff. “Come on, Bane. I’m still not like most guys. I can’t get hard whenever I want to, and I can’t count on those fleeting moments.”

“Maybe, and I’m just spitballing here, maybe the safer you feel with me the more it grows.”

“How could I feel any safer with you?”

“This is a new aspect of our relationship. Of course you’re gonna have some insecurity, but I’m here to help you through that.” He holds my hands in his. “I know this is hard for you to believe, but you’ll get there eventually. This isn’t about sex for me. It’s about the feelings I’ve had for way too long that I want to let out. I want to treat you better than any guy you’ve ever met. Whatever we do or don’t do together physically, we’ll navigate it together.”

“I know. I wanted you to know so you had some expectations.”

“I’m glad you told me. Anything else on your mind?”

“A million things.” I laugh.

“Anything you want to talk about right now?”

I shake my head. “No.”

“Okay. How about I find a movie to watch?”

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