Page 60 of Love Potion

“Hey.” I cup his cheek. “Take a breath.”

Jerryn nods, pausing to breathe. “Thanks.”

“I got you.”

“I know,” he says softly. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” I reach for his hand and kiss the back of it. “This is why I said we’re not doing anything tonight but kissing and cuddling. I don’t want you in your head about what’s next because we’ll figure that out in time. Together. Tonight, all I want is to be close to you.”

His eyes soften. “You’re right. I got ahead of myself because…” His face goes blank. “I guess because I want to make you happy. You’re taking a chance on me, and I want to be worth it.”

“Nah, Jerr. It’s not like that. I’m not taking a chance on you. I already know you’re worth it. It’s me who wants to step up and be the man you need. You’ve always been the man for me.”

He nods, but the insecurity lingers in his eyes. “I promise you don’t have to try so hard.”

“I’m going to anyway. You deserve it. Let’s try to get some sleep so we can kiss some more in the morning.”

“Okay.”

He rolls over again so his back is to my chest, and thankfully, that conversation got my dick to settle down, so I rest my chin on his shoulder.

He relaxes in my arms, and soon his breathing settles into a slow rhythm. I kiss his cheek and close my eyes. He doesn’t see it yet, but I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Over time, he’ll stop overthinking the sex stuff and we’ll find what works for us. For now, this is more than enough for me.

NINETEEN

JERRYN

I’ve been scrollingthis stupid forum for almost an hour, but I’m not finding what I want. Correction: what I need. I can’t be the only person in the world going through this.

I’m just about to give up when I notice a sub-forum link on the left side of my screen. It’s part of the ace spectrum forum, and it might be exactly what I’m looking for.

I click it and start scanning through the various posts, and then I see it. Finally. The forum is about navigating sex. I hope someone’s experience matches mine. Reading through a few posts, my hope starts to fade. Not because the experiences aren’t there, but because the situations don’t resonate with me.

There’s lots of advice about dating an allosexual person, but it’s coming mostly from people who don’t experience sexual desire at all. I keep scrolling a bit more, but I’m interrupted by several of the guys coming into the office at Moby’s where I’ve been hiding out for the last twenty minutes. It’s midday on a Wednesday, so it’s very quiet right now.

“Oh, hey, Jerr,” Ridley says. “You okay?”

“Just taking a break. What are you guys doing?”

“We’ve had some applications come in.” Lowen walks behind the desk to open a drawer. “I thought we could go over them since it’s quiet.”

“Where’s Bane?” Indy asks, leaning against the wall.

“He said he had an errand to run,” Kit says. “He’s supposed to be back soon.”

That explains his cryptic text telling me he’d be gone for about thirty minutes. He always tells me exactly what he’s doing, and most of the time I’m with him, but I didn’t question it. He has his reasons, and he’s allowed to do things without telling me.

The past three nights have been close to magical—cuddling, kissing, sleeping beside him completely nude—but the more I want to get out of my head and just enjoy it, the less I can. I’m really worried that Bane is gonna start thinking I’m not attracted to him, when I am. I just can’t get my body to show it. He says it’s fine and he’s happy with what we’re doing, but for how long?

Lowen is reading off the qualifications of an applicant, but my eye catches something on my screen. It’s titled “This is how it works for me and my partner” so I click it. What I read makes my eyes sting. It makes sense, but dammit, it’s not the solution I was hoping for.

Salem taps my shoulder, and when I look up, I realize everyone is looking at me. “What?”

“We were voting on if we’d like to bring this person in for an interview,” Lowen says.

“I’ll go with the majority.”

“No, then,” Lowen says in his curt tone, laying the résumé face down on the desk. “Next we have Louie.”

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