Page 9 of Love Potion

“Um…” Before I can say more, the server returns with my drink. I stare at it, unsure what to say, but end up with “It was a long time ago.”

“Doesn’t make it okay. Maybe you don’t care or ever think about it, but I do. I guess you could say I’ve done some personal work on myself.”

“That’s good.”

Alec takes a sip of his beer, nodding. He stares at the table for a few seconds before looking up at me. “Have you and Bane…” He shakes his head. “Are you still…?”

“What? Am I still friends with him? Of course. He’s my best friend.”

“Just your best friend?”

I roll my eyes. “Oh come on, Alec. Are you still insisting there’s more between us?”

“It’s not like that. It’s not coming from a place of jealousy, I swear.” He laces his fingers together, wringing his hands before he continues. “I met a guy about a year after you and I ended things.”

I nod. I’m not really interested in his dating life, but I suppose he has a reason for bringing it up.

“I really liked him. In fact, I fell pretty hard, and then I fucked it all up. Just like I did with you.”

“Oh.”

“I was jealous and sometimes mean-spirited. I said things I didn’t mean when I felt insecure. I learned the hard way that I had some maturing to do, so I did the work. I went to therapy and I read books and I really worked on myself so I never had to lose someone I cared about again because of being a dumbass.”

I nod, taking a small sip of my drink.

“During all that reflection, naturally I thought about how things went down between us. I really cared about you, Jerr. I was falling for you.”

I bite my bottom lip and stay quiet.

“And I knew you would never return my feelings.”

“How could you know that?”

He smiles at me like he’s placating a child. “Because you’re already in love with someone else. You always have been, and I couldn’t compete with that.”

I scoff. “I’m not in love with Bane.”

Alec nods, studying my face. “I honestly don’t get it. I saw it with my own eyes, so I really don’t get how you guys don’t see it. Why do you think I hated Bane so much? Because I couldn’t match up.”

“It wasn’t a contest. Bane and I are close, but it’s not romantic.”

“Why?”

I swallow hard, tracing a trickle of water down my glass. “Because it’s not.”

“But why? Is it the sex thing?”

The question feels like a knife in the chest. “I’m not discussing my relationship with Bane. It doesn’t matter why.”

“But it kind of does, Jerr.” He leans closer, resting on his elbows. “I was a dick and I said some really shitty things to you, and I want you to know I’m truly sorry for that and for hurting you if I did.”

I nod. “Thanks.”

“But, Jerr, you have no chance of being in a relationship until you resolve your feelings for Bane.”

Now I’m irritated. “Like I said, there aren’t any feelings there. Not that kind.”

Alec nods, searching my eyes. “Are you sure that’s true for both of you? I know what it feels like to be in love with someone, and the way Bane looks at you… Man, if that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

---