Page 106 of Man Advantage

He wouldn’t even look at me.

I tried again, struggling not to sound as desperate as I felt. “Did I do something wrong?”

He flinched. Then he paused the program on the treadmill. After the belt had slowed to a stop, he rested his hands on the siderails and sighed. Still not looking at me, he said, “No. No, you didn’t do…” He raked a hand through his sweaty hair. “I don’t think anyone did anything wrong.”

I studied him, completely confused. Shit. What was going on? I stayed quiet, letting him gather his thoughts and figure out what to say. I definitely had no idea what to say.

Finally, he exhaled hard and rolled his shoulders, and after a moment, he met my gaze. The amount of pain in his eyes almost sent me back a step.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t… This has nothing to do with any feelings I have for you. It’s…”

I swallowed. “Is this about us? Dating? Or, uh, whatever we’re doing?”

Avoiding my gaze again, he nodded.

Though I knew the answer, I asked anyway: “Do you want to end it?”

The flinch made me want to wrap my arms around him, but I couldn’t. Not this time. Because I knew what was coming.

“I don’twantto,” he whispered. “But I…” He cleared his throat and finally looked at me again. “I need to, Trev. I’m sorry.”

There should’ve been some relief that he was dropping this hammer. He was saving me the heartache of trying to spell out whyIneeded to call it off. But all I could feel in that moment was panic that the most amazing man I’d ever known was slipping away. Again.

“But why?” I pleaded softly. “Cam, we can?—”

“I need this job. I need this place to live.” He swallowed hard and shook his head. “If things fall apart between us—if we break up and it gets ugly—then I don’t just lose you. I loseeverything. Same as when everything went to shit with Daniel.”

I blinked. “I would… I would never do that to you.”

“I know. But what if wedobreak up?” He struggled to hold my gaze, and his voice wavered. “How do you really see that playing out? I keep living here and watching your kids, even while things get super uncomfortable and we both start seeing other people?” He grimaced and shook his head. “And that’s thebest-case scenario. What if things aren’t amicable and we can’t stand to be around each other? This”—he gestured to encompass the house—“is all yours. I have nothing. I have nowhere to go except back to Seattle to start all over.Again.”

Jesus. While I’d been wringing my hands over all the reasons why this could blow up in my face, it hadn’t occurred to me how badly it could blow up in his.

“I’m sorry, Trev,” he whispered. “I don’t want to do this. But I’d rather we end things now while we can go back to beingfriends so I can keep working for you and living here. I’m scared that if we keep doing this, things might turn ugly, and…” He trailed off, shaking his head.

What could I even say? No, I’d never toss him out on his ass, not even if things went to hell between us. But what right did I have to expect him to have faith in that? We weren’t married. There was nothing legally obligating me to make sure he was on his feet. At best, I was pretty sure I had to give him a minimum of thirty days before kicking him out, but that was about it. He’d be out of a job, out of a home, and in a city where he didn’t know anyone but me.

Would I have wanted to stay in a relationship in his position?

No, I would not.

So what right did have to expect him to want to stay in one?

I exhaled. “Okay. Okay, I get that. But I don’t want to lose you. And not just as a boyfriend or as someone taking care of my kids. I already lost so damn many years with you, and I don’t want to go back to that.”

“I’m not leaving,” he insisted. “As long as you want me here, I’m here. I don’t want to lose you either. I just… I can’t let the lines blur.” He winced as he added, “I can’t risk losing all my stability—again—if things don’t work out between us as a couple.”

“I get that. I do. I promise. And… I don’t want that for you either. I want you to be safe and have stability.” It took some serious effort to swallow. “If that means we have to give this up, then… Then that’s what we have to do.”

There was still pain in his eyes, but his posture relaxed a little. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I wish we could do…” He trailed off again, rubbing the back of his neck with an unsteady hand. “I really don’t want to do this. Just so you know.”

“I know,” I said. “I’m sorry I put you in this position.”

“It took two.”

“Still. I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

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