Page 111 of Man Advantage

I’d made some serious headway with my ex-husband.

Was it too much to ask to get somewhere with my ex-boyfriend, too?

Cam was only going to put up with this tension for so long. I could feel it. Every time he texted me, which wasn’t nearly as often as before, I expected him to be telling me he’d landed a job elsewhere and was moving out. The surge of panic his text tone brought was driving me out of my head. I was terrified of losing him, and though I felt guilty about it, I was also terrified of losing the childcare he provided.

Which… no wonder he’d tapped out. Our relationship, his presence in the house—it all looped back to his job taking care of my kids. He didn’t want to risk a relationship because he could lose his job. I was scared to have tough conversations with him or even acknowledge the elephant in the room for fear that he’d leave.

He was right that we couldn’t separate us from his job. I didn’t know what the solution was for that, but… he was right.

I needed to talk to him, and it couldn’t wait.

But I also needed to do this in person. This wasn’t a conversation we could have over FaceTime, never mind text.

I exhaled into the stillness of my car. I didn’t want to wait another minute, but he deserved to hear it face to face.

I just hoped he was still there when I got home.

Cam was home.

Thank God, he was still here.

Guilt needled at me for being happy that Zach and Zane weren’t here, but I reminded myself it wasn’t glee that I was free or anything like that. I just didn’t want them to hear this go down, especially because it might not go well. And I wanted Camand me to be able to focus on this conversation and not worry about our words carrying to the ears of my kids.

Still… guilt. The next time they were here, we’d do something special, if only to alleviate my conscience for this.

First things first, I needed to have this conversation with Cam, and it couldn’t wait.

I found him in the kitchen, cleaning up from making his lunch. When I walked in, he tensed; he didn’t bristle or glare at me, and his hackles didn’t go up, but the discomfort was palpable.

He was probably hoping I’d leave without saying anything.

I felt guilty, because I knew it wouldn’t be comfortable at first, but I hoped like hell I was doing the right thing and the outcome would be worth it.

“Hey.” I slid my hands into my pockets as I leaned against the counter. “Can we talk? Please?”

He chewed his lip, but as he closed the dishwasher, he nodded. “Okay. Yeah. We can talk.”

Well, that was progress.

“To cut right to the chase…” I hesitated, my guilt intensifying along with his obvious uneasiness.

Come on, Trev. Just fucking do it.

I took a deep breath. “Look, I don’t want you to be trapped with me, or to feel like your job and your stability are something I would hold over your head.Iknow I would never do that, but you don’t, and I get that. People change during breakups, and they do shit you never thought they would.”

Cam sighed. “Yeah. They definitely do.” He stared down at his hands. “For the record, I don’t think you would. It’s not you. I’m just… I still don’t feel like the ground is solid under my feet after what Daniel did. And everything he did…” Cam laughed bitterly. “It was on-brand for him. Someone that controlling and vindictive—I should’ve known. And I think I did know.” Hepaused, then met my gaze. “I know you’re nothing like him. But…”

“But once bitten.”

“Exactly. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” It was so damn hard in that moment not to reach for his hand. “You’re right to worry about it, especially after what you’ve been through. I get it.” I swallowed, and as my heart pounded, I went on, “If things were different—if you didn’t have to be afraid that you’d be out of a job and a place to live if things didn’t work out between us—would you want to be with me?”

I hated myself for the pain that crossed his expression.

“Trev,” he whispered. “We can’t—what’s the point of torturing ourselves like this?”

“I don’t want to torture ourselves. But I think that’s what we’vebeendoing. And I can’t help but wonder if maybe we’re doing this all wrong.”

---