Page 77 of Man Advantage

That was probably because having him in my life had always meant more than being able to get naked with him. After we’d broken up, we’d both been figuring ourselves out in ways that were bedrock-shaking, and I couldn’t imagine going through that without him and our strong bond.

And then I went almost a decade without you. Fuck.

He was here now, though, and that bond was as strong as it ever was. He was absolutely right—there was no getting intimate without gettingcompletelyintimate.

I moved my hand from his waist to his back. “I think you’re right. We’d never be able to do the casual hookup thing. But… not putting a name on it?” I nodded. “That’s a good idea. Because I have no idea what we’re doing, or what I want us to be doing. Only that I don’t want to stop.”

His little smile made my spine tingle. “I don’t want to stop either.” The smile shifted to a wicked grin. “Especially not after you made me come that hard.”

A laugh burst out of me, and I was grateful for the break in tension. “It isn’t like you’re that difficult to get off.”

“Pfft. You’d be surprised.”

I blinked. “Seriously?”

“Oh yeah. Without killing the mood by going into detail about my ex, let’s just say the sex wasn’t what kept me in that relationship.”

“Wow. And you put up with that for… eight years?”

“Eight and a half years that I’m never getting back.” He teased my nipple with his thumbnail, raising goose bumps all over me. “So, if you’re game to help me make up for lost time…”

A soft moan slipped free, both from his touch and from the prospect of more. “I am ahundredpercent onboard with that.”

“Good. Me too.”

I kissed him, letting it linger for a moment. “Are you, um—going forward, are you still good with skipping condoms?”

Cam shrugged. “I don’t see why not. As long as we’re honest if we sleep with someone else and we use condoms after that.”

A strange feeling flared in my chest. At first, I thought it was jealousy at the idea of Cam hooking up with someone else. Then I realized it was… maybe revulsion was too strong, butthis impulse to say,“I am absolutelynotinterested in fucking anyone else. Period.”

“I’m good with that,” I said.

He smiled, but then sobered. “I, um… I assume we should keep this out of the boys’ sight.”

I considered it. “Yeah. Just… until we know what we’re doing. If we think there’s more happening than just?—”

“I get it,” he whispered. “We don’t want to confuse them. Or get their hopes up. Or…” He waved his hand. “It’s definitely better to keep it on the DL for now.”

I felt guilty about that, and I wasn’t sure why. Lying to my kids? Hiding Cam? I didn’t know. But keeping this cat in the bag was definitely the smart move for the moment.

“In the meantime…” I searched his eyes and cautiously spoke. “Do you, um… Do you want to sleep in here tonight?”

The way his face lit up—oh God. My heart.

Eyes and voice full of hope, he asked, “Do you want me to?”

“I don’t know if I can go another round,” I said, “but… yeah, I do want you to sleep here.” I swallowed. “With me.”

Cam laughed, unaware of how fast that made my head spin. “If we go another round, I won’t be able to walk tomorrow.” He lifted his chin and stole a long, soft kiss. “But I would love to sleep here.”

I couldn’t even define what I felt in that moment. The rush, the ache in my chest, the almost uncontrollable urge to laugh with ridiculous giddiness. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in close, and his languid kiss would’ve had me on my knees if we’d been standing.

No, there was no casually hooking up with Cam. I had no idea what exactly I felt for him, or what kind of relationship was possible between the mature adult versions of us. But I knew to my core that sex with this man could never be detached or casual.

The condom issue was fully moot for me. I would absolutely tell Cam if I slept with someone else or wanted to, but that was about as likely as me telling him I’d decided to give up hockey and join a monastery. I didn’t want anyone but him. If he slept with someone else… well, I wasn’t so sure how I felt about that, but we were less than an hour into whatever this was. I didn’t feel right demanding exclusivity yet. Especially not when he was still licking his wounds after a long overdue breakup.

But me?

---