Page 76 of In the Stars

“That’s good. Good luck,” she says, and she sounds as if she really means it. “I hope it brings you closure. Have you made amends with everything and everyone in your life?”

“Ugh. No. One more person, but I really fucking hate that guy.”

She giggles. “Making amends doesn’t mean you’re friends with the person you’re making amendswith. It means you’re apologizing for the wrong you’ve done. That’s all you need to do. Would it help if you were in a controlled environment? Here or with your sponsor even?”

“Nah.” I wave her suggestion off. I might be opening up with my feelings more, but I don’t want anyone to see me dip back into the past to list out all my wrongs to someone.

Tech is a dick, and I’m sure when I reach out to him, he’ll chew me up and spit me out, and I’ll have no choice but to sit and take it. His feelings about what I did to him—shit-talking him to his face, hitting him, kicking him out of the band—are fucking valid, and I have to own up to what I did.

But that’s for me and only me. No one gets to see how fucked up I was and how much I have to make amends for.

Our therapy session ends shortly after, and I rush home, wanting to get the rooms cleaned and straightened up for my visitors. Mitch and Kas said they didn’t mind crashing in together so Zed can have the second spare room. They also vowed they wouldn’t bring any pills harder than Tylenol in the house. I appreciate it more than they know.

With a smile, I climb back into my car to head to the airport to retrieve my friends.

The next day,Jaxon wakes me up with a kiss on my cheek, his facial hair tickling my face. “Good morning, baby.”

He came over last night after I got back in with Zed, Mitch, and Kas. They all welcomed him with open arms, talking to him as if they knew him forever. After being starstruck for a few minutes, Jaxon relaxed into the conversation. They told me how much they like him and that he’s good for me. It made me glow that my friends approved of him.

I roll onto my back and claim Jaxon’s mouth in a deep kiss, not at all worried about morning breath. He settles between my legs, and after a brief moment of panic, I relax and wrap my legs around him.

His hard dick rubs against mine, and we rut against each other until we both explode in our underwear.

Panting, I turn my head to the side and smile. “That’s a great way to wake up in the morning.”

Especially this morning.

Today is the day I destroy the last of my demons and am able to move forward with my life.

We talked about it late into the night, and Jaxon agreed when I said I wanted to dump Suzette’s ashes onto the floor so they can mix and mingle with the dirt when everything is torn to the ground. That will be the only thing that will help me sleep at night. Insomnia has always been a bitch but living in the town where that house still stands is hell. But Ican’t move elsewhere because Jaxon is here. The best option for me is tearing that house down and carting away the pieces.

Jaxon rolls over and kisses my cheek. “Figured that would help. Let’s clean up so we can get this business done.”

We shower and trot downstairs, Mitch, Zed, and Kas already waiting for us. Mitch looks exhausted, his eyes bloodshot. “Ugh, who wakes up at buttcrack o’clock?”

I grin at him and sit beside him on the couch. “It’s eight-fifteen. The time normal people wake up.”

“Dude, if I didn’t love you, I would go back to bed.” He leans his head on my shoulder, and I freeze for a second then relax. I’m getting better at tolerating touch from people I love.

“I appreciate it. More than you know.”

He turns tired eyes on me and grins. “I’m aware. I’ll always be here for you.”

Zed sits across from us on the coffee table, firmly in manager mode. It was his job to keep us in line and on schedule, and it seems he hasn’t lost his flair for the dramatic, even though has hasn’t had to shoo us anywhere in months. “Alright. The demolition company will be there in twenty minutes. They set up everything last night, so all they gotta do is show up. You need to have your end taken care of before they get there. Not a minute off schedule.”

The three of us grin at each other, used to the fast pace he sets for us.

“So that means…?” I ask, waving my hand for him to get to the part he wants to say.

“That means get your ass in gear. We gotta leave in three minutes.”

Kas laughs. “Never change, Zed.”

Exactly three minutes later, we’re heading out of the house for the short drive over to my nightmare. Bob is there waiting, and I smile at him when we arrive, glad he was able to make it.

Even now, the house looks different than when I saw it last time. The machinery around it notwithstanding, the scary façade is peeled back and it appears weak and easily breakable, like one strong gust of wind will knock it from its foundation.

My boyfriend, his dad, my bandmates, and my manager stand around me as we peer up at the house. Bile rises in my throat, but I push it back. I’m determined to be stronger than my memories.

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