Page 20 of Misery In Me

I feel the pull in my chest again, stronger this time. It’s that damn attraction I can’t shake. Every time I see her with Zoe, the way she handles her so effortlessly, like she was the one to give birth to her... it messes with my head. She’s more of a mother than anything to Zoe. I’m trying to figure out what that means for me and it’s fucking me up.

Zoe starts to squirm in Alejandra’s arms, and she bounces her lightly, trying to calm her down. “Looks like someone’s ready for a nap,” she says, her voice warm and soft like honey.

I’m not ready for them to go.

The sight of Alejandra cradling Zoe fills me with awe and I can’t help but watch, noticing the quiet contentment on both their faces. There’s something about the way she holds my daughter—something that feels like a natural fit, like it’s meant to be this way. And damn it, I want to focus. I want to be present for my daughter—but there’s this growing distraction in the back of my mind.

“I’ll let you both get some rest,” I say, trying to keep my voice even, but it comes out a little more strained than I intended. Somewhere in the back of my brain, a little voice is begging me to keep her on the call.

Just a little longer.

God, this life can be so isolating when you never let anyone in.

Alejandra’s eyes meet mine for a split second, and it’s like she understands without words. Maybe she sees the conflict there too—the tension I’m trying to hide. “Let me go put her in the playpen and we can catch up for a few minutes.”

It’s like she read my mind. Alejandra is so perceptive.

She puts her phone down and I hear her putting Zoe down and then she’s back on the screen. There’s a pause, then, almost like she’s waiting for me to say something more.What the hell do I even say?

“So…” I let out a puff of air.This is awkward as fuck and I don’t know what to say.“Alejandra, I just want to say thank you for doing such an amazing job. I don’t think I could ever thank you enough.”

“Ale,” she says. “You can call me Ale. If I don’t have to call you Mr. Donovan, you don’t have to call me Alejandra. This is kinda past the formality stage, don’t you think?”

Yeah, especially since I jack off to the thought of you. I’d definitely say so.

“Roger that,” I chuckle. This is the worst video call in existence. I don’t get how guys keep relationships going when this is all they have for months at a time. I want to be in the same room with her, to feel the softness of her skin when she touches my hand and to smell that floral scent that lingers on her.

This fucking sucks.

“Are you making sure that you’re taking care of you while I’m gone?” I ask softly.

Fucking loaded question, Donovan.

What the fuck kind of question is that?

Why don’t you just point blank ask, ‘are you thinking about me when you ride those fingers of yours at night, baby?’

“I know it’s just you and if Zoe still isn’t sleeping, being on call twenty-four seven must be exhausting.”

Nice save.

Alejandra nods, a little smile tugging at her lips. “I am. Thanks for checking in on me. It’s kinda nice knowing that you care.”

I care... more than I should.

I draw in a breath, the pressure of everything I’m carrying right now pressing down on me heavier than ever.She feels it too. She has to.Or maybe I’m just insane and looking for something that isn’t there.

“I’ll see you both soon. Bye, Ale.”

“Be safe, Gage. Bye”

She gives me a smile and the screen fades to black as I end the call, and for a moment, I just sit there in the small, quiet corner of the comms tent. The noise of the base seems distant now, drowned out by the flutter of my heart in my chest. The team’s counting on me, Zoe’s counting on me, and Ale—well, I can’t even begin to untangle all the thoughts running through my head about her.

Right now, I need to focus. There’s so much to do—too much at stake. And yet, as I rise to join the rest of the team, part of me still lingers. That brief, imperfect connection I’ve just had with my daughter and the woman who’s become so much more to me than just her nanny.

SEVEN

ALEJANDRA

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