Page 82 of Misery In Me

Her wet hands move behind her and push at my stomach to move me back.

“Red?” I ask, pausing for the moment to make sure.

“No.” She whispers.

“Yellow? Do I need to slow down? Tell me what you need from me.” I kiss her neck, inhaling the scent of her skin and her perfume oil.

“I’m fine,Cariño.”

“Then move your hands, pretty girl. This is what you wanted, right?” She nods, her hands drop, and I quickly spin her around, bending her over the kitchen table. Bunching up the back of her dress, thrusting hard, and finding heaven between her thighs. “Now be a good girl and learn to take it.”

One hand on her hip and the other dipping below the front of her dress, cupping her bare tit as I thrust. Downstairs echoes with my groans—full of pleasure from the torture I am putting myself through—the all-consuming pain of putting every part of her to memory. Ale’s moans and mumbled words of love sync with my groans as the deep, hard strokes overwhelm me.

The agonizing pain of knowing I’m leaving her fills my chest, and I fight the urge to let it all out.

You cannot fucking break down right now, Gage. Your wife needs you to be strong.

What if I don’t make it and never see her and Zoe again? What if I never see our child be born? What if… what if?

Keep it together.

Suck it up, Marine.

Nothing works.

The choked sob comes out, and my staggered breathing catches her attention. Ale lifts her face from the table, turning around to look at me. “Gage? What’s?—”

“Re-Red.” The word that was intended to stop things for her is stopping everything for me.

I pull out and my back hits the wall behind me and I stare blankly at her. She pushes off the table and has her arms around me faster than I can blink.

“Breathe, Gage.” Her soft hands caress my face, bringing me back from the thoughts of me dying over there and never seeing them again. “I’m right here,Cariño.”

I can hear my father’s voice in my head calling me weak. Telling me that real men don’t cry. That Marines are never afraid.

“You are so strong,amor. You give up your life and time with your family to serve this country. It’s okay to feel emotional. It’s okay to be sad.” She breathes words of comfort in my ear. Words that I need to hear.

She is trying to erase a lifetime of being raised to hide emotions, to be a man and to keep it all hidden.

“It’s just you and me right now, Gage.” Ale takes my hand and pulls me from the wall. “Let’s go upstairs.”

I say nothing, but I let her lead me up the stairs and into our bedroom. We lie down and she throws the comforter over us and scoots as close as she can to me. The panicky feeling in my chest dulls as she runs her nails over my scalp. “Come here.” Pulling my head towards her chest until all I hear is the sound of her heartbeat. “Close your eyes and just breathe.”

“I-I just don’t want to miss everything.” Tears hit her chest, and I sniffle, burying my face against her skin. “Our life is just beginning.”

“You’ve made it through before,Cariño. You can do it again.” She kisses my hair, her hands cradling me to her tightly. Never letting go.

Before, I didn’t have her.

Before, I was still indifferent about being a father.

Now I have everything I never knew I wanted and I’m being forced to leave them.

THIRTY-THREE

ALEJANDRA

Deployment Day:

---