Page 12 of Tag

“Nothing is going on with me and Sanjana,” I assured her, voice even.

It wasn’t exactly a lie. If something were happening, I damn sure wouldn’t have been standing there with Brooke. But of course, I couldn’t say that part out loud. Brooke’s posture relaxed a fraction, though she kept playing with the hem of the hoodie she wore, a team-issue one with player names stitched across the back. She’d asked for it the other week, and I gave it to her because I had no intention of wearing it. I had another from freshman year at Crowsfell. Sanjana had my original. I gave it to her in high school after I lettered for the first time. That one meant something. Naturally, it was hers for the taking.

Brooke twisted the fabric tighter around her fingers. “I was never worried before, but she kind of…”

Now she had my attention. “She kind of what?”

She hesitated again. “Maybe I’m reading too much into it…”

This wasn’t jeopardy. Why couldn’t she speak in a full fucking sentence? I forced myself to soften, stepping closer andgently taking her hands, wanting the conversation to be over if she wasn’t going to say anything worth listening to. “What is it?”

She looked down at the hoodie she had on. “Was this hers?”

“No. She has her own.”

Brooke looked slightly thrown by my answer. I knew how that sounded, but I thought it was an important detail to be known in case her ego tried to swell too much.

“Oh. She kind of looked at me earlier. When she saw me in it.”

“She looked at you?” I repeated slowly. “How?”

She shrugged like she didn’t want to give the answer. “No specific way, really.”

Goddamn, this was like pulling teeth.

“You know what? Never mind, I’m sorry for even bringing it up.”

That made two of us. I had no intention of dragging this out any longer than I had to. I eased off and shifted my tone enough to disarm. I didn’t have to try hard. Reeling people in came naturally when you knew which version of yourself they needed most.

“Hey,” I murmured, brushing my thumb along her knuckles. “You don’t have to apologize for asking. I respect that you came to me with something that bothered you.”

I didn’t give a fuck what was bothering her, but the performance was for her benefit, not mine. Brooke softened immediately, like she’d just been waiting for the signal that things were fine again. She let out a small breath and stepped in, her arms sliding around my waist as she pressed her cheek against my chest. “I’m still sorry for making things awkward,” she murmured.

I looked down at the top of her head. There were things I could’ve asked her too, but I already knew the answers. Showingmy hand now would push us into territory it wasn’t time to cross yet.

She tilted her head back, rising to press her lips against mine. At the same time, her hands slipped beneath my shirt, fingertips skating over my skin. My hands landed on her hips, not in invitation, but in containment. She took it as permission anyway, pressed in closer, her breath catching like she thought she was getting somewhere. I gently pushed her off me and took a full step back.

Her brows drew together. “Don’t you want to?” she asked, voice soft, unsure.

Did I want to fuck? That was rhetorical, but I wasn’t fuckingher. We were well past that part of this drawn-out drama. The most I could tolerate were a few half-hearted hugs or some light petting, and even that thought turned my stomach. “I want a lot of things.” I brushed her hair off her cheek like it meant something. “Not all of them are good for you.”

Her confusion visibly doubled, and I pretended not to notice.

“You wanna throw something on while we eat?” I nodded toward the TV, my voice smooth, casual as ever. “Could use a movie before I knock out.”

“Sure,” she answered with a smile.

She turned away, and I checked the time. It was so fucking early. All I wanted to do was eat, sleep, wake up, and escape to the gym. I had a long night ahead of me before that could happen.

I turned my head, watching Brooke’s steady breathing as she slept soundly. My mind was on the one person who owned permanent real estate in it. If she wasn’t sleeping yet, she’d be curled up on Deadweight’s couch or in his fucking bed, watching some horror movie because those were always her go-to choices outside of anime. Ashton wasn’t a fan of either. Yet another reason that he was wrong for her. They couldn’t enjoy her favorite movies or shows together. I ran a hand down my face and slipped out of bed quietly, making sure not to wake Brooke. She stirred once, murmuring something in her sleep before rolling over.

I needed space from her.

I needed silence, too.

The sound of her breathing was making me overstimulated in the worst way, and I couldn’t exactly smother her with a pillow. The bathroom door shut behind me. I undressed and turned the shower on as hot as it would go. Steam billowed fast, curling along the slate walls like it couldn’t wait to swallow me whole. I grabbed a towel and washcloth and then stepped under the spray, dragging both hands through my hair before bracingthem flat against the tile. The water scalded, but not nearly enough to cauterize the thing unraveling in my chest.

The scent of vanilla clinging to my skin wasn’t helping. It was too much like a brand. Or the plague. Reminding me of the things I didn’t fucking want. I reached for my body wash and wash rag, scrubbing hard. I’d spent years learning how to leash the darker parts of myself, training instinct into patience, violence into strategy. For the most part, I was good at it. Always had been.

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