Page 19 of Love, Will

So that’s what he understood from the events of the night before. The situation looked more favourable for me than reality, so I decided to play along. Ultimately, I was an actor.

“But how did my Lord make this decision during a night only?” I barely said.

“Will, I know I am young and I don’t know much about the world, but I want to be like you! I want to chase passion, follow my dreams and find my muse.”

Part of me was surprised to discover that his desires were those of any man who wanted more from his simple condition of just working, living, and dying.

“You, Will, are my inspiration for this, and I am eternally in your debt.”

“My Lord, I am beyond grateful for your kind words and you sharing your aspirations with me, but I beg you to consider the situation a bit more. Nothing is set in stone yet and there may be many years until this marriage happens in which you could fulfill these aspirations. Do not let wine make any harsh decisions in your young life.”

I knew age was an important element for Henry, suggesting his youth in the making of such a mature decision would unsettle him and make him contemplate more about the issue. The fact that I was eleven years older than him and journeying through the middle of my life always made him more wary towards my advice.

“So what do you suggest I do, Will?” he asked, annoyed.

“Think of it more, my Lord.”

“It’s Henry, remember? And you are supposed to be my friend and support my decisions, especially since you inspired them.”

“My Lord... Henry.” I immediately corrected myself when I saw him frowning. “What can I do for you to take more time and consider this?”

“Join me for supper again tonight and we can discuss it again,” he nodded meditatively.

My insides unsettled for a moment. I would be in the same situation as the night before, maybe finding myself having even more impure thoughts this time and with only him to look upon. Hoping I had remedied that bodily aspect and the sinful images could not come again, I agreed.

I had to control myself and behave as a friend, which was expected of me. What would Henry think if he found out about the image I had kissed him and how good it felt in my mind? No, I had to prove to myself it was merely a moment of fatigue, from a mind drowning in wine and lack of sex.

And what better way to do this than return to the same place and prove to myself it was only a bad vision. I would take Henry’s offer and dine with him, drink and discuss, like we always did. I could not afford this friendship with a Lord going to waste just because I was too drunk one night and had impertinent visions.

“Only if you join us tonight for the play,” I said with a smile.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Henry laughed.

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