Page 28 of Love, Will

Chapter 6

“My cherry lips have often kissed thy stones.

Thy stones with lime and hair knit up in thee.” - A Midsummer Night’s Dream

“Beloved Will,

Forgive my absence, duty called and as much as I wanted to see you, I was held by fear and propriety. Meet me in the study at eleven, we have much to talk about. “

Every muscle in my body started shuddering. No signature and the mention of fear and propriety. It seemed that my nightmares would be the ones to come true. I could not touch my plate or take a sip of the hot chamomile tea so I started gathering my belongings, careful to leave in the wardrobe every item of clothing the Earl bought for me, which turned out to be most of them.A thousand thoughts passed through my mind as quick as a lightning bold splitting a tree. What would happen to my work? With Anne? With the children? With their father dead or imprisoned, will they be left to their own fate?

I ended up carrying a small bag with two ripped shirts, a pair of trousers, and a few hundred pages of writing. I took it all with me and prepared myself to be thrown out like a rabid dog, so I did not want to waste the Earl any more time. I also had a small pouch of coin, part of my generous payment which I had not sent to Stratford yet and was ready to return it to Henry immediately, hoping that he would not have already called the Privy Council to take me out in cuffs.

The clock struck eleven in the same moment I knocked on the study door and heard the Earl’s voice inviting me to come in. I spotted Henry sitting at his desk holding a letter, so I entered quietly and closed the door.

He did not even look in my direction, still concerned with the note, so I sat on the chair on the other side of his desk and put my satchel down and the coin I had next to his ink bottle. Only when the clink of silver tingled on the wooden desk did he lose focus on the letter and looked at the small coin purse.

“What is this?” he asked, still averting his eyes from mine.

“The coin I still have…” my voice trembled.

“And what am I supposed to do with it?” Henry rasped angrily, visibly offended.

“I thought it…”

“You thought?” he interrupted and raised from his seat, throwing the letter on the floor. “No Will, you have clearly lost that capacity. What in God’s name possessed you to take such a horrible action?”

“I am sorry.” The was the only thing I could say, the only thing my throat could pronounce while tears formed a gathering in my eyes, threatening to soon make me choke.

“No, Will, no! You cannot do this to me.” Henry threw himself back on the chair, his voice fading.

“I am so sorry, Henry,” I said again. A barely audible apology, the only words coming out of my choking throat. I could not look him in the eye, so I focused on holding back my tears and staring at a small stain on the carpet.

“Will…” Henry stopped, grabbing his forehead with both his hands, a meditative and desperate stance. “But why? Why now?”

“I am truly sorry. I clearly misinterpreted and I am ready to pay for it. Should you want me to.” There was nothing else to say. I had to assume the fault. I kissed the Earl. I had enjoyed the contact of his lips, the taste of his tongue and spent long hours dreaming about doing it once more. If he had to condemn me for it, then I would welcome the damnation.

“I think we are both going to pay for your decision. I wish you had consulted me about this, at least,” Henry sighed.

How was he expecting me to consult with him about a kiss? How would I even approach him and ask about it? My memory might fade from me, but I was sure he had been the one who initiated it, his lips the ones making a journey to mine.

“I did not know how to do it, what to say to you,” I murmured.

“Will, we have been living together for almost two years and you do not know how to ask me?” He got heated again and raised his voice slightly.‘You say, Henry, I want to leave. What do you think?’It should be simple enough. At least I would have known you wanted to abandon me and not find it out from a letter!” He also had tears in his eyes, along with a pained expression, as his gaze finally locked with my own.

“Henry, what are you talking about? What letter?”

He looked at me like I was the last idiot in England, his eyebrows raised, disbelief glinting in his eyes. He then crouched and grabbed the wrinkled paper from the floor and slammed it on the desk in front of me.

“This one!” he shouted. “The one you asked your friend to send to me by ‘mistake’ since you don’t have the courage to tell the truth.”

I looked at Henry’s teary eyes and then at the wrinkled paper, picked it up from the desk, unraveled it, and started reading.

“Dear Will,

I have arranged residence for you at George’s Inn as requested and paid the first three months’ rent in your name. Your room will have a window facing the sunrise, just as you preferred. It is great to know you are finally abandoning that house and coming back to London, just like we wanted.

Take care of the theatre for us and see you soon!

---