Page 98 of Secondhand Smoke
She laughed, humorless, and looked at the ragged ceiling like she was trying to hold back tears that were already sliding down her cheeks. “But that’s not even the worst part, you know? The worst part is that my parents knew. They took me there on purpose. I think . . . I think they thought that if I saw her, I would just magically heal and everything would fix itself, that I would just forget about everything.” She wiped at her tears with the back of her knuckles. “I want to, though. I really want to just forget too. A part of me wishes it had worked.”
Barrett’s hands clenched into fists, wishing they could grab onto the pain he could see in her eyes and yank it free for her. But since he was incapable of reaching through her thoughts, hestood up and crouched in front of her, settling his palms on both sides of her cheeks.
Touching her seemed to shock her away from whatever was in her head. Her attention snapped away from the ceiling and focused on him. He watched as her hazy eyes cleared into consciousness and softened.
He ran thumbs under both of her eyes, diverting tears from their paths.
She sighed, her eyes fluttering and the weight of her head nuzzling into one hand. Barrett’s heart stuck in his throat as he watched her. She was so content there in his hands.
He was so distracted by her face that he was startled by her left hand raising and wrapping around his fingers, holding his hand in place.
She looked up at him, through her lashes that grew thick with lingering tears. The blue in her eyes glowed against the red rims of her lids. “Take me to Bellevue with you.”
Barrett frowned. “But the van—”
“I can’t stay here anymore. I just need to get out for the weekend. I’msuffocating. I can’t get away from anything as long as I’m in Gemsburg. Help me, Scott, please. Get me out of here.”
He studied her eyes, and all he found was desperate sincerity. No doubt. No fear.
He leaned forward, sighing, and pressed his forehead against hers. Her exhale stroked his mouth, and he watched her eyes flutter closed, reveling in his touch.
His instincts told him to say no, but she’d secretly become his greatest weakness.
Instead of saying no, he leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. She met him there—a gentle movement that he’d craved more than he cared to admit.
Only a few seconds, but he pulled away breathless, leaving only centimeters of space between their mouths so he could answer her question. “I’ll take you anywhere you want.”
40 - Nell
They only had a few days to prepare Nell for an hour-long drive to Bellevue.
She wasn’t confident, but shewasdesperate.
Barrett opened the passenger door. She knew how he looked at her: biting his lips, scanning her with concern, and hesitating before he shut the door in case she changed her mind at the last second.
Not that she blamed him. She’d given him no reason not to think that she wouldn’t turn around and break down the second she sat down in the passenger seat. She’d done that exact thing last time.
The difference was, she had a destination in sight this time. Straight forward, onto the freeway, and away from Gemsburg to Bellevue in two days.
There, she hoped to forget for a few days.Everything. Be normal.
It’s all she wanted.
So when she pulled herself into the van and took a deep breath—in through the nose, out through the mouth—hope and Barrett’s hand on hers as he started the engine made it possible.
She wasn’t the only one with a destination, it turned out.
Barrett drove with purpose onto the road.
“I thought about it last night,” he said as he passed the same spot where Nell had broken down last time.
She knew he was trying to distract her, and it worked. She stared at him instead of outside, admiring his strong nose and side profile. She clung to his hand, squeezing it so hard she was surprised he didn’t complain.
In through the nose, out through the mouth.
“Don’t quote me on this, but I think the only way to get rid of bad associations is to replace them with good ones.”
Nell counted each breath she took. She tried to say something, but it came out a quizzical hum instead.
