Page 121 of Not That Ridiculous

“Okay, calm down.” He was clutching Phil like an oversized teddy bear. Phil waslovingit. I was not loving the utter panic on Kevin’s face. He was quivering. I squeezed past him and gently shut the door. “There we go. It’s shut.”

Kevin’s knees gave out and he sank to the ground, still clutching Phil.

“Kevin—” I said, crouching beside him and putting a hand on his shoulder.

He shook his head and hid his face in Phil’s ruff.

“You’re all right,” I told him, rubbing his back. “Breathe. In and out.”

He nodded.

I straightened and eyed the front door. I had to go and get my phone, which was—thankfully—charging in the kitchen. I didn’t think Kevin would let me go if he knew what I was about to do. I straightened slowly, tiptoed away, and opened the door as quietly as I could. Pushing it wide, I paused on the doorstep.

So there’s a dead guy up there. Big deal. Big surprise.

Not a problem.

Not! A! Problem!

I strode down the hall, keeping my eyes dead ahead.

Straightahead.

Keeping my eyes straight ahead.

No need to look at the stairs as I passed. Nothing was coming down them. No one had been unleashed.

Or awakened.

I sped up. It was fine. Dead is dead. Dead doesn’t crawl out of its fancy marquetry coffin and come rushing down?—

Fuck this. Oh,fuckit.

I bolted for the kitchen, snagged my phone as I streaked past the counter, and didn’t even bother unplugging it. The cable snapped free as I kept on running, all the way out the back door and into the garden.

I tore around the side of the house, through the side gate, and onto the drive. Kevin hadn’t noticed me leave. He was still cuddling Phil.

All right.

Excellent.

Next step.

Yes.

Next step was…police.

Yes. Call the police.

Great. Lights and sirens. Crime-scene tape. Attention.

Fantastic.

I took a deep breath and called 999.

22

Detective Chief Inspector Liam Nash parked at the bottom of my drive and got out of his car, accompanied by Detective Sergeant Meera Patel. A couple of patrol cars pulled in behind him as they made their way up to the house.

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