Page 76 of Not That Ridiculous

Phil wavered, then sat at Kevin’s feet.

“Good boy,” Kevin said.

“That’s a nice big dog you’ve got there,” Craig said, sounding a bit disappointed.

“He bites,” Kevin said.

With all eyes on him, Phil decided that this was the right moment to slump to the lawn and expose himself, with his usual drawn-out groan.

“Right,” Craig said. “He looks, uh. Dangerous.”

He looked like an utter muppet, belly-up and sweeping the lawn with his tail, his unfocused eyes going from (vaguely) Kevin to (nearly) me and back again.

“So.” Craig clapped his hands together briskly and strode on up the drive. “Looks like we’re starting with a front door replacement? Back door after that, obviously. What were you thinking next, Charlie?”

Before I could reply, Kevin dropped his hand to my shoulder and squeezed.

I was still kneeling at his feet.

I went to scramble up. Kevin squeezed more firmly and applied downward pressure.

He clearly wanted me to stay where I was, but he was shit out of luck with that. I wasn’t going to be on my knees around Craig Henderson in this lifetime, thanks. I swatted Kevin’s wrist and squirmed out from under him, pushing up to my feet.

“Got quite a few things on my list,” I said, “but don’t worry about it. I’m not your client.”

Craig waved a hand behind him at Kevin’s Land Cruiser with that stupid decal on it. “Looks like you are.”

“How’s that?” I asked.

Craig made another vague wave, this time encompassing Kevin and his tools.

I waited.

Craig cleared his throat. “Well…” he said slowly, feeling his way. “My work vehicle is parked up outside your house and my guy is working on it using my tools.”

“Is that so?” I said.

“Uh. Yes?” Craig said.

I did not like this man. I had never liked this man. He had a reputation for doing decent work but he also had a reputation for doing that work on his own timetable, and not his clients’. What really annoyed me was the way he treated Kevin.

“Right,” I said. “Except that is Kevin’s personal car, not your work vehicle, these are Kevin’s tools, not your tools, and Kevin ismyguy. Not yours.”

Craig sent Kevin a wounded look. “You’re moonlighting on me, Kev? Is that it?”

“No.”

Craig squared his shoulders and said, “Seems to me like you are. I’ve already had to talk to you about that once.”

“Yeah,” Kevin said flatly. “Except painting my dad’s living room isn’t moonlighting.”

“That’s bullshit, Craig,” I said with a laugh, “and you know it.”

He shrugged as if to say, Eh. Worth a try. “All right. Charlie’s not your dad, though, is he?”

“Charlie’s my boyfriend,” Kevin said.

I didn’t know who was more surprised to hear that, me or Craig.

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