Page 81 of Not That Ridiculous

Guess the spirit was not moving him after all.

“Okay,” I said. “That’s enough of that.” I attempted to bend down and grab my jeans, haul them up as far as they could go, and make an undignified exit. I didn’t manage it.

As I bent forwards, my lower body pushed out. My arse bumped Kevin’s groin gently, he said “Uhn,” in a rough, broken grunt, and then he dropped to his knees, grabbed both cheeks, and shoved me back into the cabinets.

“Oh,” I said. “Mydick. Fuckingfuck.”

“Oops.” Kevin spun me and then my dick was in his face. “Sorry. Got carried away.” He contemplated it. “It always bends like that, right?”

I had a hand over my eyes, biting my lip.

This truly was a day of firsts. I didn’t even know you could stub a penis. Now I did. “Which way is it going? Left or right? Because it…it usually goes a bit to the right.”

There was silence.

“Kevin.” I dropped a hand to his head, patting blindly.

“You’re all right. It’s going to the right. My left. Your right. I’m so sorry. I am never this clumsy, I swear. Does it hurt a lot?”

“No.” I took stock. It was throbbing, but honestly that was more likely down to the fact Kevin’s lovely, full lips were three inches away from it. “It was startling more than painful,” I said. “I may have overreacted.”

“Cool.” Kevin leaned in and kissed the tip, his eyes on mine. Then he aimed his gaze downwards and said, “Apologies, little penis.”

I glared at him.

“Hee hee,” he said, grinning.

Oh my god. That should have deflated my erection. It did the opposite.

“I’m kidding,” he said. “It’s not little. It’s bigger than mine. Good job. We’ve got a top-notch erection here.” He kissed it again, then carefully but firmly turned me back to face the cabinets. “And your butt isn’t flat. I only say that because it makes you snippy and I love it when you get sassy with me.”

I cocked a hip. “I donot?—”

He groaned. “Love it.” He put a hand on the lower curve of each cheek and lifted them, then made them bounce.

I could accept that there wasn’t a huge amount of jiggle happening, but therewassome.

Kevin didn’t do anything more than that, and he went quiet again.

“Okay, listen,” I said, fighting the urge to make another grab for my jeans. “I might come across as confident about all this?—”

He made a soft noise and kissed the outside of my hip.

My breath caught. “But the thing is, when it comes to the sexy stuff, I’m…I’m slightly less confident than you might think. In general.”

There was a thoughtful pause. “I know,” he said.

Great. It showed. Great.

I decided that it would be easier to have this conversation with at least my underwear on, and thoughtlessly bent over to grab my boxers. This time, I ended up mashing my arse in Kevin’s face.

He was still holding my cheeks, and stopped me from getting too far.

“Um…” he said slowly. “Okay. Hmm. Okay. Charlie, I…I think we might have a problem.”

Exactlywhat every man wanted to hear when exposing himself to a potential partner.

I couldn’t get my underwear back up with the way Kevin was holding me in place. I covered my groin with my hands and hunched my shoulders instead.

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