Page 24 of Teach Me to Laugh

Stunned, I had no words for him. I didn’t need them. He continued.

“I had a good life and I know that. I was well provided for, and even though I knew they didn’t want me, they still loved me. I was lucky for that. They told me often that they were proud of me, but I never really had a family—not the way I wanted. I never had the mom who cooked and family game nights didn’t exist in my house. Fuck, you’re the first woman outside of my nanny to cook for me.” He dropped his fork and it clanged against his plate. “I didn’t have the kind of childhood Raina andKaiden had. I was luckier than you, but I wasn’t that lucky. And you can’t hide lonely from someone who knows what it looks like.”

“I . . .” I pushed my rice around my plate. “I’m sorry, Beckett. I didn’t know.”

“I don’t know much about it, but I know you had a shit life, Amara. Don’t be sorry. Just don’t keep living your life like you’ve still got a shit life. You don’t. You’ve got people who care about you now.”

“I . . .”

“You’re not lonely. You’re just choosing to act like it.” He lifted his plate and dropped it in the sink. And then he disappeared into his room, closing his door loudly behind him.

And there I was, left alone with the ghost of his words.

I should have been studying, but I wasn’t. Instead, I was at the gym with Kaiden. I’d made it to the gym two days in a row. This deserved comment as working out was coming to be a rare thing for me. And that comment was something Kaiden gave in excess.

“I know,” I said in reply to the fourth exclamation. “I’ve been slacking lately.”

“I wouldn’t say you’ve been slacking. More like eating, breathing, shitting school.” He laughed at his joke. “But not slacking.”

“Ain’t that the truth?” I muttered.

“So do you wanna talk about it?” Kai asked and I set the weight I’d been lifting down.

“Talk about what?”

“The fight you had with Mar,”

I gave my friend a look and then I decided I didn’t like the idea of having friends who were couples. Couples seemed to talk about everything.

“I didn’t have a fight with Amara.”

“That’s not what Raina said.”

“And how would Raina know?”

Kaiden shook his head. “Mar talks to Raina.”

For some reason, I found myself feeling a little irritated and a little excited that Amara had been talking to Raina about me. I liked it because she was talking about me. I wanted her talking about me, and thinking about me, and daydreaming about me. For fuck sakes, I just wanted the girl.

But I didn’t want her talking to her friend about our arguments—especially when I didn’t know we were arguing.

“Didn’t know it was a fight.”

“What happened?”

“I told her to quit acting lonely.” I shrugged. “I kind of just—well, I guess I lost it a little.”

“You lost it and you don’t think you had a fight?” He chuckled. “I know you’ve never dated, but dude . . .”

“I walked away before I actually lost it.”

This time, Kaiden laughed. Hard. “Buddy, you walked away from the girl after giving her a piece of your mind. How can you think she wouldn’t view that as a fight?”

“I don’t know.”

“On top of that, you’ve met me here the last two nights. You’ve chosen to come to the gym over being home with her,” he said, stating the obvious. “Why wouldn’t you think she’d think you’re pissed?”

“Fuck,” I rubbed my brow. “Everything I try with her backfires.”

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