Page 30 of Locking Down Qetesh

"That's nice. That it gave you a connection."

"Yeah, it is." He tore the end off his croissant and popped it into his mouth.

"I wish I'd had someone to talk to when I was figuring it out," I said. "It's not that I didn't have friends, it's just that I didn't feel like I could tell them. Not feeling like I thought everyone else did made me feel broken, and even more so when they started referring to me as a sex and love goddess."

"Love and sex aren't the same thing."

"I know that. Though I've said they're entwined for me more times than I can count."

"That's still kind of true," he pointed out. "If you just want to have sex because it's fun and intimate, then you're not going to be doing it with anyone you don't have feelings for. So love is kind of influencing it."

I frowned. "I suppose I've never thought about it like that. I was just saying it because it felt like what people expected me to say."

"I'm sorry you've had to live like that." He reached over the table and touched my hand.

I turned my own and laced our fingers together. It was a dangerous display of affection considering that Ella was in the room, but it felt right, and I cared more about that than I did about the potential of my best friend finding out.

"Maybe things will be different now. Is telling the first person the hardest?"

The contemplative expression on his face told me that he was considering the question, giving me a moment to eat some of my own breakfast, even if it meant letting go of his hand.

"I guess it is," he said after a minute or so. "Not because the first person is the hardest, but because that's the time that you actually admit it to yourself, and you commit to it."

I took a deep breath. "That makes sense."

"You also don't have to tell anyone else until you're ready. I'm not going to tell anyone, and even if we do decide that we're a thing and we want to tell people, no one who knows about me is going to assume that you're ace."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." I smiled at him. "I'll probably tell people eventually. Though maybe as a quiet thing."

"You can tell as many people as you want to," he assured me. "Even if that is only the people you want to start a relationship with."

"That is reassuring." And it was. It was amazing how much a little change like this could make a difference. I'd always felt a disconnect between what I wanted to do as a love goddess, and someone who wanted to help others with finding a connection, and the feelings I had when it came to sex.

Being able to talk to someone else about it had changed things, even if it hadn't been for very long, or even very much. I was different, not difficult. There was nothing wrong with the way I viewed things, I was just wired this way.

I picked up my coffee and took a sip, noticing my watch flashing as I did. I checked it and sighed. "I hate to leave, but I need to get going."

He nodded. "I can walk you out."

"I'd like that." I smiled at him and let him gesture to the door that led out of the dining room. "It's been a good weekend."

"It has."

"Ella seems happy."

"She is," Jacob agreed. "Though there's one thing I'm almost disappointed about."

"Oh?"

"You didn't lose your key last night."

I laughed. "I think once in a weekend is often enough. I'm really grateful that you let me stay with you on Friday night."

"You're welcome. I had a nice time."

"No need to sound so surprised, I'm good company," I joked.

"You are. And it was nice waking up next to someone."

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